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Why do you think K-pop is becoming more popular?

작성자: 이*연
2023-04-22 1830

회원님의 영작문

Most of all, I want to tell you that they have a huge storytelling and outstanding good-looking.

First, K-pop has a view of the world stand alone. For example, The BTS who one of the most popular groups has had a story of growing up in fear. They became famous for this story and got for huge popularity. A famous girl group ASPA also owns a story to themselves only. So, the popularity secret what they are not only singing and dancing but also they are making a story.

Second, anyone yearn for a beautiful person. The mostly audition programs that I have seen have considered more important an appearance than ability. I think what for yearn someone isn't bad, but people must be careful not to become an obsession into what for yearning. The Soyeon who I like artist also had a hard time because of malicious comments of appearance. Of course, the all K-pop stars' appearance is so awesome. But we have to be careful what estimate for other people's appearance, even thogh compliments.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Da Yeon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


Most of all, I want to tell you that they have a huge storytelling and outstanding good-looking.
>> First of all, I want to tell you that they have a huge storytelling and outstandingly good-looking.
OR >>  Firstly,  I want to tell you that they have a huge storytelling and outstandingly good-looking.

First, K-pop has a view of the world stand alone. 
>> CORRECT!
For example, The BTS who one of the most popular groups has had a story of growing up in fear. 
>> For example, BTS who is one of the most popular groups has a story of growing up in fear. 
They became famous for this story and got for huge popularity. 
>> They became famous for this story and got huge popularity. 
A famous girl group AESPA also owns a story to themselves only. 
>> CORRECT!
So, the popularity secret what they are not only singing and dancing but also they are making a story.
>> So, their popularity's secret is that they are not only singing and dancing, but they are also making a story.
Second, anyone yearn for a beautiful person. 
>> Secondly, anyone yearns for a beautiful person or people. 
The mostly audition programs that I have seen have considered more important an appearance than ability. 
>> Most audition programs that I have seen have considered appearance more important than their ability. 
I think what for yearn someone isn't bad, but people must be careful not to become an obsession into what for yearning. 
>> I think what we yearn from someone isn't bad, but people must be careful not to become obsessed with what we are yearning for. 
The Soyeon who I like artist also had a hard time because of malicious comments of appearance. 
>> Soyeon, the artist who I like, also had a hard time because of malicious comments of appearance. 
Of course, the all K-pop stars' appearance is so awesome. 
>> Of course, all K-pop stars' appearance is so awesome. 
But we have to be careful what estimate for other people's appearance, even thogh compliments.
>> But we have to be careful of what we estimate regarding other people's appearance, even though they are compliments.

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