¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think is the most serious health problem in Korea? Why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Àå*Àº
2023-04-11 878

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I dont know the health problems in Korea, so I will write the serious problems in all parts in Korea.
The biggest problem in korea is a small amount of babies. Many couples don't want to raise babies even one baby. When I was young, there were 4-50 students in one class in the elementary school but now, I've heard about that there are 15-20 students in one class. Reducing a rate of babies can cause the increasing amount of old men. Then it causes that there are no more people who can work and the economic recession will gonna be happened. The problems in a country are connected with each other, complicatedly.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Gem!
Thank you for your efforts again today. This was an insightful essay. See you tomorrow! ^^
~~Teacher Kate 

I dont know the health problems in Korea, so I will write the serious problems in all parts in Korea.
>>I don't know the health problems in Korea, so I will write about the serious problems in all parts in Korea.
The biggest problem in korea is a small amount of babies. 
>>The biggest problem in Korea is the small number of babies. 
Many couples don't want to raise babies even one baby. 
>>CORRECT!
When I was young, there were 4-50 students in one class in the elementary school but now, I've heard about that there are 15-20 students in one class. 
>>When I was young, there were around 40-50 students in one class in elementary schools but now, I've heard that there are only 15-20 students in one class. 
Reducing a rate of babies can cause the increasing amount of old men. 
>>Reducing the birth rate can cause the increase in the number of old people. 
Then it causes that there are no more people who can work and the economic recession will gonna be happened. 
>>Because of that, there won't be people who can work and the economic recession will happen. 
The problems in a country are connected with each other, complicatedly.
>>CORRECT!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
125077 What are you most afraid of? Why? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 877
125076 What is the most valuable lesson that we can learn from children? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 640
125075 What\'s your thought on teachers who have teachers\' pets? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 3
125074 I lost..... :( ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 676
125073 my ideal type ¹Ú*º° ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 509
125072 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 478
125071 Please take note of specific English skills you want to enhance... ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 787
125070 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 454
125069 Hoarding disorder ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 2
125068 It`s cold ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 1
125067 What are some traditions for Lunar New Year? ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 818
125066 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 1
125065 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 711
125064 What is your favorite movie line? ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 859
125063 What makes you feel happy? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 782
125062 Do you agree that all children should take part in taking care... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 767
125061 Why do you think people are afraid of getting old? Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 840
125060 Do you make first impressions based on what people wear? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 576
125059 How do you deal with stress these days? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 780
125058 How do people meet people to date these days? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-25 557

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04