¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think is the most serious health problem in Korea? Why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Àå*Àº
2023-04-11 310

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I dont know the health problems in Korea, so I will write the serious problems in all parts in Korea.
The biggest problem in korea is a small amount of babies. Many couples don't want to raise babies even one baby. When I was young, there were 4-50 students in one class in the elementary school but now, I've heard about that there are 15-20 students in one class. Reducing a rate of babies can cause the increasing amount of old men. Then it causes that there are no more people who can work and the economic recession will gonna be happened. The problems in a country are connected with each other, complicatedly.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Gem!
Thank you for your efforts again today. This was an insightful essay. See you tomorrow! ^^
~~Teacher Kate 

I dont know the health problems in Korea, so I will write the serious problems in all parts in Korea.
>>I don't know the health problems in Korea, so I will write about the serious problems in all parts in Korea.
The biggest problem in korea is a small amount of babies. 
>>The biggest problem in Korea is the small number of babies. 
Many couples don't want to raise babies even one baby. 
>>CORRECT!
When I was young, there were 4-50 students in one class in the elementary school but now, I've heard about that there are 15-20 students in one class. 
>>When I was young, there were around 40-50 students in one class in elementary schools but now, I've heard that there are only 15-20 students in one class. 
Reducing a rate of babies can cause the increasing amount of old men. 
>>Reducing the birth rate can cause the increase in the number of old people. 
Then it causes that there are no more people who can work and the economic recession will gonna be happened. 
>>Because of that, there won't be people who can work and the economic recession will happen. 
The problems in a country are connected with each other, complicatedly.
>>CORRECT!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
128314 What do you think is an appropriate punishment for cyberbullying ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 566
128313 The country I want to visit ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 768
128312 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 858
128311 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 504
128310 I think it is just affected by people who are ignorant. ÀÌ*¿õ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 1
128309 Homework ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 1
128308 I can teach!! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 776
128307 How has your country changed from five years ago? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 752
128306 What are the advantages of smart phone? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 708
128305 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 0
128304 5/18 homework. ÃÖ*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 866
128303 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 938
128302 I like spring best ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 766
128301 Answer to \"What kind of greeting annoys you?\" ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 4
128300 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 1
128299 May.18 ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 792
128298 15.May.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 1
128297 16.May.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 1
128296 My ways to look young ¼º*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 804
128295 Is it important to prepare financially for old age? Á¶*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-05-18 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04