¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

While not directly related to the main point of the article, do you think a diverse population is go

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*¾Æ
2023-04-09 744

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

"Diversity is about all of us, and about us having to figure out how to walk through this world together"(Jacqueline Woodson). Of course, having a diverse population is good for the development of our country with different aspects of society. Our world has developed and grown with various radical, ethnic, and cultural backgrounds. In other words, our society without a connection between us and others will not make the better society and society that we want to make. But sometimes there are some problems or challenges because of different perspectives of people. That means if there is a problem between Asian and American, both of them will understand in different ways because of their belief and cultural background. However, our society must need others' perspectives because sometimes their opinions make a better choice. So, we cannot say which perspectives are better but we could make a better choice if our country with a diverse population.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

You tackled the topic well, Su A! I commend you for placing the relevant quote at the beginning of your essay, and you chose a perfect one to introduce the main content of your composition.  I can see that you are open to the idea of having a diverse population despite the possible setbacks (e.g. disagreements due to certain beliefs and cultural background), and you were able to encourage your readers to feel the same way. 
~T.Harmony <3

"Diversity is about all of us, and about us having to figure out how to walk through this world together"(Jacqueline Woodson). 
>> CORRECT!
Of course, having a diverse population is good for the development of our country with different aspects of society. 
>> CORRECT!
Our world has developed and grown with various radical, ethnic, and cultural backgrounds. 
>> CORRECT!
In other words, our society without a connection between us and others will not make the better society and society that we want to make.
>> ...and others will not make our society better, and turn it into the kind of society we want.
But sometimes there are some problems or challenges because of different perspectives of people. 
>> CORRECT!
That means if there is a problem between Asian and American, both of them will understand in different ways because of their belief and cultural background. 
>> ...problem between an Asian and an American...
However, our society must need others' perspectives because sometimes their opinions make a better choice. 
>> CORRECT!
So, we cannot say which perspectives are better but we could make a better choice if our country with a diverse population.
>> ...if our country has a diverse population.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
125318 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 229
125317 I agree. ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 601
125316 What do you like to do on the weekend? ¹è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 494
125315 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 1
125314 create ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 221
125313 homework Æí*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 1
125312 Digital currency lead people to creditor. ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 526
125311 Homework ¼Õ*±Ù ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 569
125310 Can you easily adapt to changes? Why or why not? ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 556
125309 Is it worth it to spend your money on food? Why do you think so? ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 1
125308 What Korean food will you recommend to a foreigner and why? Àå*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 583
125307 02.Feb.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 1
125306 What do you like to do at the beach? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 0
125305 What is your favorite movie genre? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 0
125304 Which is better, studying in a private school, public school or... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 559
125303 I think ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 627
125302 Is it rude to tell the person that they need to improve their... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-02 482
125301 Why is it difficult for some people to say sorry? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-02 476
125300 2023-2/2 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-02 408
125299 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-02 329

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04