¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

While not directly related to the main point of the article, do you think a diverse population is go

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*¾Æ
2023-04-09 197

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

"Diversity is about all of us, and about us having to figure out how to walk through this world together"(Jacqueline Woodson). Of course, having a diverse population is good for the development of our country with different aspects of society. Our world has developed and grown with various radical, ethnic, and cultural backgrounds. In other words, our society without a connection between us and others will not make the better society and society that we want to make. But sometimes there are some problems or challenges because of different perspectives of people. That means if there is a problem between Asian and American, both of them will understand in different ways because of their belief and cultural background. However, our society must need others' perspectives because sometimes their opinions make a better choice. So, we cannot say which perspectives are better but we could make a better choice if our country with a diverse population.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

You tackled the topic well, Su A! I commend you for placing the relevant quote at the beginning of your essay, and you chose a perfect one to introduce the main content of your composition.  I can see that you are open to the idea of having a diverse population despite the possible setbacks (e.g. disagreements due to certain beliefs and cultural background), and you were able to encourage your readers to feel the same way. 
~T.Harmony <3

"Diversity is about all of us, and about us having to figure out how to walk through this world together"(Jacqueline Woodson). 
>> CORRECT!
Of course, having a diverse population is good for the development of our country with different aspects of society. 
>> CORRECT!
Our world has developed and grown with various radical, ethnic, and cultural backgrounds. 
>> CORRECT!
In other words, our society without a connection between us and others will not make the better society and society that we want to make.
>> ...and others will not make our society better, and turn it into the kind of society we want.
But sometimes there are some problems or challenges because of different perspectives of people. 
>> CORRECT!
That means if there is a problem between Asian and American, both of them will understand in different ways because of their belief and cultural background. 
>> ...problem between an Asian and an American...
However, our society must need others' perspectives because sometimes their opinions make a better choice. 
>> CORRECT!
So, we cannot say which perspectives are better but we could make a better choice if our country with a diverse population.
>> ...if our country has a diverse population.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
127267 What are the advantages and disadvantages of cosmetic surgery? Áö* ¿Ï·á 2023-04-07 3
127266 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-04-07 0
127265 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-04-07 0
127264 4.6 Homework ¹Ú*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-07 148
127263 When you are stressed, how do you feel physically? Á¶*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-04-07 198
127262 Home work ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-07 1
127261 Writing task ¾È*Çü ¿Ï·á 2023-04-07 135
127260 today\'s homework Ãß*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-04-07 3
127259 I think it\'s better to have technology À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-04-07 223
127258 ¡°Dream¡± shoes!!! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 146
127257 home work ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 192
127256 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 129
127255 I believe in ads, or not? ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 155
127254 Homework ½Å*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 0
127253 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 113
127252 When you visit a new city, which places do you go to first? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 146
127251 homework ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 292
127250 What\'s the best thing to do to stay healthy? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 151
127249 What are the advantages and disadvantages of going to the gym? Áö* ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 1
127248 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 300

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04