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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Homework

작성자: 김*우
2023-04-04 261

회원님의 영작문

Hello. It's Tuesday.
While it is clear and warm outside, I am very stressed now inside the building.
Around 1 month ago when I move our clinic to here, I signed up for PC guard service.
The staff of the company told me that it could prevent any virus and data leakage, and he promised that we would not feel any discomfort.
However, I felt discomfort to share our data in the clinic everyday.
In addition, Dr.MJ's file were broken last seminar(maybe you remembered it).
This morning, I requested something simple to customer service, but they even didn't know how to do that.
I was so surprised about it, and I realized that I signed up with immature company.
I called the staff and told him that I wanted to cancel this service.
I think he will accept my cancellation.
Meanwhile, Dr.MJ also looked upset.
I have to keep my mind peaceful, or I will make a big mistake.
Regarding my homework, I experienced "Mallory-Weiss syndrome" in my college years.
You can Google it.
Have a peaceful day!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi again, Dr. Kim!

I am sorry to hear about the inefficient service you encountered today. Bad customer service is when a business fails to meet your expectations in terms of service quality, response time, or overall customer experience. Compromised data can lead to many problems for a business or organization like yours in your clinic. If a data breach occurs or sensitive information is mishandled, it can erode any goodwill a company has earned from clients or customers. I hope that you were able to address this issue today.

I suggest, ask the cancellation policy or process well. If it is already done, good for you. You are right. Keeping your mental peace is so important because it can help you remain calm in the face of distress by easing feelings of anxiety, worry, and overwhelm.

Finally, as I Googled the worst disease you ever had, " Mallory-Weiss tear will stop bleeding and begin to heal on its own in most cases. Sometimes you will need treatment. An endoscope may be used to give you an injection or a heat treatment to stop the bleeding, or insert a clip that closes the tear and stops the bleeding." Tell me more about it in class.

Thus, observe the suggestions I made to your composition. Some are word order, and others are insertion of articles such as 'an'. Overall, excellent work!

See you!

-T. Donna~

Hello. It's Tuesday.
>> Correct!

While it is clear and warm outside, I am very stressed now inside the building.
>> Correct!

Around 1 month ago when I move our clinic to here, I signed up for PC guard service.
>> Around one month ago when I (moved to our clinic/moved here to out clinic), I signed up for a PC guard service.

The staff of the company told me that it could prevent any virus and data leakage, and he promised that we would not feel any discomfort.
>> Correct! Very good sentence!

However, I felt discomfort to share our data in the clinic everyday.
>> Correct!

In addition, Dr.MJ's file were broken last seminar(maybe you remembered it).
>> In addition, Dr.MJ's file was broken last seminar (maybe you remember it).

This morning, I requested something simple to customer service, but they even didn't know how to do that.
>> This morning, I requested something simple to the customer service, but they even didn't know how to do that.

I was so surprised about it, and I realized that I signed up with immature company.
>> I was so surprised about it, and I realized that I signed up with an immature company.

I called the staff and told him that I wanted to cancel this service.
>> Correct!

I think he will accept my cancellation.
>> Correct!

Meanwhile, Dr.MJ also looked upset.
>> Correct!

I have to keep my mind peaceful, or I will make a big mistake.
>> Correct!

Regarding my homework, I experienced "Mallory-Weiss syndrome" in my college years.
>> Correct!

You can Google it.
>> Correct!

Have a peaceful day!
>> Correct!
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