¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2023-03-30 483

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Hi, there.
It's completely spring Today.
I can feel hot air all day.
In Korea, these days all people can take off the mask everywhere, except the clinic and hospital.
It means all koreans will be getting interested in their appearance more.
In conclusion, we will have more clients who are willing to pay for their beauty.
It's a good thing to both of us; Dr.MJ and me
Regarding the traditional medicine, there are many things to tell you.
To make a short, traditional medicine is not safe and efficient relatively.
Grass and plants have many ingredients.
No one knows every ingredients and interactions among them.
However, many Korean tradional doctor(actually, I don't want to call them "doctor") insisted that their medicine are safe and more useful in some cases like terminal cancer, immune disease.
It's 100% bullshit.
They even request that they can use a modern device.
If their level are superior or at least similar to modern medical, they don't need to use any modern devices.
See you.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Dr. Kim!

With warm spring weather comes a new season d reasont to smile without a mask there in South Korea. Plastic surgery is not a new trend for your country. As life gets longer by years, there is the goal to look younger. Then, I wish your clinic efficiency to be able to make those faces beam with that perfect smile.

As I was reading some information from the Internet, it says, '¡°Hanyak¡± is a type of traditional Korean medicine that uses herbal and folk remedies to treat illnesses. It features influences from traditional Chinese medicine. A person may use it alongside Western contemporary treatments, making it a type of complementary medicine, or as a stand-alone form of care.Hanyak is one component of Han bang, which is the broader umbrella of traditional Korean medicine that incorporates acupuncture, moxibustion, cupping, and herbal remedies. It focuses on balancing the energies of the body and the elements of earth, fire, water, metal, and wood."

These sound like a massage therapy to me. ^^ In reality, they can be very dangerous for people who do not get the correct diagnosis of their disease. I think you can discuss this further in class tomorrow.

Your attempt of creating creative sentences is successful. I like your style of straightforward and not sugarcoated opinion. Keep it up!

See you soon!

-T. Donna~

Hi, there.
>> Correct!

It's completely spring Today.
>> Correct!

I can feel hot air all day.
>> Correct!
Or: I can feel the hot air all day.

In Korea, these days all people can take off the mask everywhere, except the clinic and hospital.
>> In Korea, these days all people can take off their mask everywhere, except in the clinic and hospital.

It means all koreans will be getting interested in their appearance more.
>> Correct!

In conclusion, we will have more clients who are willing to pay for their beauty.
>> Correct!

It's a good thing to both of us; Dr.MJ and me
>> Correct! (Add period at the end of the sentence.)

Regarding the traditional medicine, there are many things to tell you.
>> Correct!

To make a short, traditional medicine is not safe and efficient relatively.
>> To make it short, traditional medicine is not safe and not efficient in any way. 

Grass and plants have many ingredients.
>> Correct!

No one knows every ingredients and interactions among them.
>> Correct!

However, many Korean tradional doctor(actually, I don't want to call them "doctor") insisted that their medicine are safe and more useful in some cases like terminal cancer, immune disease.
>> However, many Korean tradional doctors (actually, I don't want to call them "doctor") insisted that their medicine are safe and more useful in some cases like terminal cancer, or immune diseases.

It's 100% bullshit.
>> Correct! LOL! ^^

They even request that they can use a modern device.
>> Correct!

If their level are superior or at least similar to modern medical, they don't need to use any modern devices.
>> If their level are superior or at least similar to modern medicine, they don't need to use any modern devices.

See you.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129137 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-28 1643
129136 What would you do if your mobile phone is lost and you are... ±¸*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-28 0
129135 Is it okay to use animals for business? For example, zoos. ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-06-28 1
129134 My favorite TV series! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-06-28 2409
129133 Do you agree with Alice Bloch\'s opinion? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-06-28 2
129132 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-28 1
129131 Do you agree that religious leaders should maintain celibacy?... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-28 2082
129130 Homework ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-06-28 1800
129129 How will you help a friend who is experiencing a sexual assault?... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-06-28 5
129128 What kind of work environment do you prefer for your ideal job? Á¶*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-06-28 0
129127 homework È«*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-06-28 1
129126 Homework ¼Û*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-28 2403
129125 Writing task ¾È*Çü ¿Ï·á 2023-06-28 1872
129124 27.Jun.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-28 2
129123 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-28 1911
129122 HOMEWORK3 ÀÌ*½Â ¿Ï·á 2023-06-28 0
129121 Describe how movies influence your look at life. ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-06-28 2
129120 Please correct my sentence ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-27 4
129119 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-27 1601
129118 crops ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-27 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04