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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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What do you think is the worst crime a person could commit? Why?

작성자: 장*은
2023-03-30 291

회원님의 영작문

If someone hits another people, the patiences can come back to the origianl state soon.
I say about that crime a little bit lightly, but there is a really bigger and more serious crime than attacking someone physically. It's a sexual assault. Someone who had an experience of a sexual assault might have a mental illness and a body illness, too. The sexual humiliation may go longer than I've thought. I've watched about it in Youtube before. There were victims of the crime and they interviewed about aftereffects. They said that they still had pain about that memory and they still remembered that feeling so they felt terrible when they took a shower or looked at a man when they were walking on the street. But I've never heard about aftereffects like that from the attack victims' mouths. At that point of that sexual assaults make people (especially women) shiver with fright, its nature of crime is too bad. I think the sexual assault criminals have to be castrated.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Gem!
Sorry for asking you about a dark and serious topic. Anyway, your insights were very good. Thanks for taking the time to answer this question. I totally agree that sexual assault is one of the worst crimes out there. 
See you next week.
~~Teacher Kate 

If someone hits another people, the patiences can come back to the origianl state soon.
>>If someone hits other people, the patients can recover.
I say about that crime a little bit lightly, but there is a really bigger and more serious crime than attacking someone physically. 
>>I talk about that crime a little lightly, but there is a really bigger and more serious crime than attacking someone physically.
It's a sexual assault. 
>>It's sexual assault. 
Someone who had an experience of a sexual assault might have a mental illness and a body illness, too. 
>>Someone who experiences sexual assault might be affected mentally and physically too. 
The sexual humiliation may go longer than I've thought. 
>>The sexual humiliation may lasy longer than I've thought. 
I've watched about it in Youtube before. 
>>I've watched about it on YouTube before. 
There were victims of the crime and they interviewed about aftereffects. 
>>There were victims of the crime and they were interviewed about the aftereffects. 
They said that they still had pain about that memory and they still remembered that feeling so they felt terrible when they took a shower or looked at a man when they were walking on the street. 
>>They said that they are still in pain when they recall the memory and they still remember that feeling so they felt terrible when they took a shower or looked at a man when they are walking on the street. 
But I've never heard about aftereffects like that from the attack victims' mouths.
>>I've never heard the same aftereffects from victims of just physical assault. 
At that point of that sexual assaults make people (especially women) shiver with fright, its nature of crime is too bad. 
>>Sexual assault affects the victims to the point where they (especially women) shiver with fright. The nature of this crime is to malicious. 
I think the sexual assault criminals have to be castrated.
>>CORRECT! (NOTE: I TOTALLY AGREE WITH THIS!)
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