¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

execution

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*Èñ
2023-03-30 608

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The government should try to protect people's safety and life.

If someone seriously threat good people, the government have to punish the criminals.

If the criminals are first degree murders, they are disqualified to live together in this society.

Although the execution system is very cruel, it is sometimes necessary for the peace and safety for everyone.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Ms. Lily!
I agree that the government imposed cruel punishment for criminals who committed heinous crimes. Personally, the firing squad is too barbaric and cruel for me, but I am into the death penalty in a peaceful and quiet way.
Talk to you later!
Aki~ ~
 

The government should try to protect people's safety and life.
>>>  CORRECT!

If someone seriously threat good people, the government have to punish the criminals.
>>>  If someone seriously threatens good people, the government has to punish the criminals.

If the criminals are first degree murders, they are disqualified to live together in this society.
>>> If the criminals are first-degree murderers, they are disqualified to live together in this society.

Although the execution system is very cruel, it is sometimes necessary for the peace and safety for everyone.
>>> Although the execution system is very cruel, it is sometimes necessary for the peace and safety of everyone.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
128770 Writing Task 0609 À¯*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-09 1
128769 My favorite month ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-09 1086
128768 What outdoor activity is most interesting for you? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-09 971
128767 What are 5 things to describe yourself? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-09 1
128766 How will you describe modern technology in your country? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-06-09 1028
128765 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-09 0
128764 Effect of text to relationship of face to face ¼º*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-09 990
128763 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-09 0
128762 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-09 0
128761 What are your weekend plans? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-06-09 2
128760 Diary ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-09 1
128759 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-09 1
128758 If I\'m angry. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-06-09 743
128757 What healthy habits do you have such as washing your hands... ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-06-09 750
128756 Writing task ¾È*Çü ¿Ï·á 2023-06-09 843
128755 My favorite activities when i was a child ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-09 1381
128754 I love adventure. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-06-09 634
128753 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-09 807
128752 Homework ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-06-09 581
128751 My father¡¯s lesson ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-06-09 974

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04