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Do you think we should continue these rocket launches at the cost of accidents that can inflict harm

작성자: 이*아
2023-03-26 624

회원님의 영작문

I believe we should continue these rocket launches at the cost of accidents that can inflict harm on innocent civilians. Every day, hours, minutes… Every moment the earth is going to collapse. A lot of countries have been suffering from natural disasters. The world will no longer exist. At this point, no one may deny this fact. So what? We need to find the solution to survive, which is these rocket launches. Of course, innocent civilians will suffer the cost of accidents. But we need to do something to prepare for the future. There is one feature that people who succeed in their life, which is scarification; also means effort. Peter the Great of Russia expanded his territory by scarifying his empire and citizens; so Russia became the strongest empire then. This is what I mean. Someone must sacrifice and show a huge effort to develop, improve, and succeed.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

A near perfectly written composition essay, Su A!  It was convincing, and props to you for using a moment from history as an example. As for my suggestion, when you implied that civilians will certainly suffer, it would be nice if you mentioned that improvements for these rocket launches, if they are to continue, should also consider to ensure that few to no civilians should be hurt. I think your readers would appreciate that feeling of reassurance.  I'm curious if you knew about Peter the Great of Russia from books you've read in the past? If so, it goes to show that reading books can go a long way and take you far. You'll never run out of things to say when you read books.  
~T.Harmony <3

I believe we should continue these rocket launches at the cost of accidents that can inflict harm on innocent civilians. 
>> CORRECT!
Every day, hours, minutes… Every moment the earth is going to collapse. 
>> Every day, every hour, every minute... Every moment, there is a huge possibility that the earth might collapse.
A lot of countries have been suffering from natural disasters. 
>> CORRECT!
The world will no longer exist.
>> CORRECT!
At this point, no one may deny this fact. 
>> CORRECT!
So what? We need to find the solution to survive, which is these rocket launches. 
>> CORRECT!
Of course, innocent civilians will suffer the cost of accidents. 
>> CORRECT!
But we need to do something to prepare for the future. 
>> CORRECT!
There is one feature that people who succeed in their life, which is scarification; also means effort. 
>> ...feature used by people who have succeeded in their lives, which is scarification; also means effort.
Peter the Great of Russia expanded his territory by scarifying his empire and citizens; so Russia became the strongest empire then. 
>> CORRECT!
This is what I mean. 
>> CORRECT!
Someone must sacrifice and show a huge effort to develop, improve, and succeed.
>> CORRECT!
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