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Festival

작성자: 장*은
2023-03-23 763

회원님의 영작문

My hometown is Incheon in Korea.
There is a Beer Festival once a year.
All ages could get in the Festival and the tickets are free. (Of course under 19 years old students couldn't buy any alcohol.)
The festival derived benefits from the advertisements companies that supported the festival.
And there were beer containers that sponsored the festival, so people had to buy high-priced beer than outside that place.
I've used to go there with my friends every year when I lived in Incheon.
There was a concert, too. Many famous singers or bands came to celebrate the festival.
I had fun in there when I was younger than the present, but now I don't like the crowded place so I don't go there anymore.
Of course there isn't that festival because of the COVID-19 hehe.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Gem!
Wow, a Beer Festival? I want to experience that in Korea. We have a similar festival in the Philippines held in October. We call it Octoberfest. Anyway, there was so much improvement in your writing today. Keep up the great job!
~~Teacher Kate 

My hometown is Incheon in Korea.
>>CORRECT!
There is a Beer Festival once a year.
>>CORRECT!
All ages could get in the Festival and the tickets are free. 
>>CORRECT!
(Of course under 19 years old students couldn't buy any alcohol.)
>>(Of course students under 19 years old couldn't buy any alcohol.)
The festival derived benefits from the advertisements companies that supported the festival.
>>CORRECT!
And there were beer containers that sponsored the festival, so people had to buy high-priced beer than outside that place.
>>There were beer containers that sponsored the festival, so people had to buy high-priced beer that are more expensive than those sold outside.
I've used to go there with my friends every year when I lived in Incheon.
>>I used to go there with my friends every year when I lived in Incheon.
There was a concert, too. Many famous singers or bands came to celebrate the festival.
>>CORRECT!
I had fun in there when I was younger than the present, but now I don't like the crowded place so I don't go there anymore.
>>I had fun in there more when I was younger than the present, but now I don't like crowded places so I don't go there anymore.
Of course there isn't that festival because of the COVID-19 hehe.
>>Of course that festival wasn't held because of COVID-19 hehe. 
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