¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Festival

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Àå*Àº
2023-03-23 597

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My hometown is Incheon in Korea.
There is a Beer Festival once a year.
All ages could get in the Festival and the tickets are free. (Of course under 19 years old students couldn't buy any alcohol.)
The festival derived benefits from the advertisements companies that supported the festival.
And there were beer containers that sponsored the festival, so people had to buy high-priced beer than outside that place.
I've used to go there with my friends every year when I lived in Incheon.
There was a concert, too. Many famous singers or bands came to celebrate the festival.
I had fun in there when I was younger than the present, but now I don't like the crowded place so I don't go there anymore.
Of course there isn't that festival because of the COVID-19 hehe.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Gem!
Wow, a Beer Festival? I want to experience that in Korea. We have a similar festival in the Philippines held in October. We call it Octoberfest. Anyway, there was so much improvement in your writing today. Keep up the great job!
~~Teacher Kate 

My hometown is Incheon in Korea.
>>CORRECT!
There is a Beer Festival once a year.
>>CORRECT!
All ages could get in the Festival and the tickets are free. 
>>CORRECT!
(Of course under 19 years old students couldn't buy any alcohol.)
>>(Of course students under 19 years old couldn't buy any alcohol.)
The festival derived benefits from the advertisements companies that supported the festival.
>>CORRECT!
And there were beer containers that sponsored the festival, so people had to buy high-priced beer than outside that place.
>>There were beer containers that sponsored the festival, so people had to buy high-priced beer that are more expensive than those sold outside.
I've used to go there with my friends every year when I lived in Incheon.
>>I used to go there with my friends every year when I lived in Incheon.
There was a concert, too. Many famous singers or bands came to celebrate the festival.
>>CORRECT!
I had fun in there when I was younger than the present, but now I don't like the crowded place so I don't go there anymore.
>>I had fun in there more when I was younger than the present, but now I don't like crowded places so I don't go there anymore.
Of course there isn't that festival because of the COVID-19 hehe.
>>Of course that festival wasn't held because of COVID-19 hehe. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
126541 How much nature is there where you live? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 340
126540 Is there such a thing as a natural leader? Can a person learn to... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 422
126539 what are your greatest professional strengths? ±Ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 1
126538 What are the most important features when determining someone\'s... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 357
126537 Have you ever intoduced yourself to a stranger in public? what... ±è*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 334
126536 Laughter ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 3
126535 3.15 homewokr ±Ç*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 355
126534 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 2
126533 52 hours workweek system ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 400
126532 tia ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 295
126531 3/15 homework ÃÖ*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 645
126530 13.Mar.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 1
126529 Is anger ever a good thing? If so, when? Why? Àå*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 533
126528 Being alone ±Ç*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 5
126527 How do we define life? ¹Ú*³ª ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 357
126526 Waiting is good for people¡¦ ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 461
126525 What animals are you afraid of? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 1
126524 Why is dental care important? Áö* ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 2
126523 Iarge group or small group ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 328
126522 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 5

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04