¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Festival

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Àå*Àº
2023-03-23 660

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My hometown is Incheon in Korea.
There is a Beer Festival once a year.
All ages could get in the Festival and the tickets are free. (Of course under 19 years old students couldn't buy any alcohol.)
The festival derived benefits from the advertisements companies that supported the festival.
And there were beer containers that sponsored the festival, so people had to buy high-priced beer than outside that place.
I've used to go there with my friends every year when I lived in Incheon.
There was a concert, too. Many famous singers or bands came to celebrate the festival.
I had fun in there when I was younger than the present, but now I don't like the crowded place so I don't go there anymore.
Of course there isn't that festival because of the COVID-19 hehe.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Gem!
Wow, a Beer Festival? I want to experience that in Korea. We have a similar festival in the Philippines held in October. We call it Octoberfest. Anyway, there was so much improvement in your writing today. Keep up the great job!
~~Teacher Kate 

My hometown is Incheon in Korea.
>>CORRECT!
There is a Beer Festival once a year.
>>CORRECT!
All ages could get in the Festival and the tickets are free. 
>>CORRECT!
(Of course under 19 years old students couldn't buy any alcohol.)
>>(Of course students under 19 years old couldn't buy any alcohol.)
The festival derived benefits from the advertisements companies that supported the festival.
>>CORRECT!
And there were beer containers that sponsored the festival, so people had to buy high-priced beer than outside that place.
>>There were beer containers that sponsored the festival, so people had to buy high-priced beer that are more expensive than those sold outside.
I've used to go there with my friends every year when I lived in Incheon.
>>I used to go there with my friends every year when I lived in Incheon.
There was a concert, too. Many famous singers or bands came to celebrate the festival.
>>CORRECT!
I had fun in there when I was younger than the present, but now I don't like the crowded place so I don't go there anymore.
>>I had fun in there more when I was younger than the present, but now I don't like crowded places so I don't go there anymore.
Of course there isn't that festival because of the COVID-19 hehe.
>>Of course that festival wasn't held because of COVID-19 hehe. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
127780 homework 04.25 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-04-25 935
127779 Homework ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-25 957
127778 If a person is attacked by an animal and left with serious... ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-25 979
127777 Home work ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-25 2
127776 What is your all-time favorite Halloween costume? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-25 0
127775 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-25 733
127774 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-25 731
127773 Homework ¿ì*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-25 794
127772 A bad habit ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-25 0
127771 How do you feel when you see a beggar? Do you want to give them... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-04-25 1
127770 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-25 683
127769 What comes to mind when you hear the word \'disability\'? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-04-25 5
127768 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-04-25 794
127767 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-25 703
127766 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-04-25 1043
127765 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-25 694
127764 Advantage or disadvantage of rent a house ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-25 4
127763 4.25 homework ±Ç*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-04-25 800
127762 Homework ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-25 647
127761 Homework ¹è*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-04-25 871

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04