¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Festival

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Àå*Àº
2023-03-23 198

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My hometown is Incheon in Korea.
There is a Beer Festival once a year.
All ages could get in the Festival and the tickets are free. (Of course under 19 years old students couldn't buy any alcohol.)
The festival derived benefits from the advertisements companies that supported the festival.
And there were beer containers that sponsored the festival, so people had to buy high-priced beer than outside that place.
I've used to go there with my friends every year when I lived in Incheon.
There was a concert, too. Many famous singers or bands came to celebrate the festival.
I had fun in there when I was younger than the present, but now I don't like the crowded place so I don't go there anymore.
Of course there isn't that festival because of the COVID-19 hehe.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Gem!
Wow, a Beer Festival? I want to experience that in Korea. We have a similar festival in the Philippines held in October. We call it Octoberfest. Anyway, there was so much improvement in your writing today. Keep up the great job!
~~Teacher Kate 

My hometown is Incheon in Korea.
>>CORRECT!
There is a Beer Festival once a year.
>>CORRECT!
All ages could get in the Festival and the tickets are free. 
>>CORRECT!
(Of course under 19 years old students couldn't buy any alcohol.)
>>(Of course students under 19 years old couldn't buy any alcohol.)
The festival derived benefits from the advertisements companies that supported the festival.
>>CORRECT!
And there were beer containers that sponsored the festival, so people had to buy high-priced beer than outside that place.
>>There were beer containers that sponsored the festival, so people had to buy high-priced beer that are more expensive than those sold outside.
I've used to go there with my friends every year when I lived in Incheon.
>>I used to go there with my friends every year when I lived in Incheon.
There was a concert, too. Many famous singers or bands came to celebrate the festival.
>>CORRECT!
I had fun in there when I was younger than the present, but now I don't like the crowded place so I don't go there anymore.
>>I had fun in there more when I was younger than the present, but now I don't like crowded places so I don't go there anymore.
Of course there isn't that festival because of the COVID-19 hehe.
>>Of course that festival wasn't held because of COVID-19 hehe. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
127574 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 399
127573 Home work ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 0
127572 When did you last have an overnight stay in another city? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 302
127571 My pronunciation! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 270
127570 Which one are you usually low on? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 244
127569 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 260
127568 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 280
127567 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 3
127566 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 394
127565 What things do you need to consider when setting a goal Àü*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 469
127564 How important are first impressions to you? Àå*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 287
127563 In five years ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 1
127562 Homework ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 3
127561 Homework ¹è*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 345
127560 What is your favorit part or your house? why? ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 1
127559 Stress ±Ç*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 1
127558 My favorite food is pasta. Á¶*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 338
127557 17.Apr.2-23 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 1
127556 What do you like about camping? ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 0
127555 An impressive Chuseok ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 278

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04