¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Are you impressed by the current advancements in the medical field? Or do you think they could do be

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*¾Æ
2023-03-20 759

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I was impressed with cancer treatment's current advancements in the medical field. In fact, billions of people have suffered cancer in recent years. Even though there are a lot of people who have a hard time because of cancer, we could see that patients are decreasing compared to the last few years. Here is the evidence. According to the Cancer Center, "more than 80% of people diagnosed with cancer types which are easier to diagnose and/or treat survive"(Cancer Center, 2022). People are usually afraid to get cancer because they believe cancer is the cruelest and most fatal disease in the world. But that rate makes people feel much more comfortable with cancer, in addition, it shows cancer treatment has developed a lot. But whether cancer treatment develops, it should be developed more than now. Because there is still some cancer that is hard to fully recover from. Especially, only 12.8% of people can recover from brain cancer. Better quality of medical treatment can make better society

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Great choice of topic, Su A!  I also wanted to hear from you about cancer since it is quite controversial. Some people have even theorized that perhaps the medical field is purposefully hiding treatments for cancer to prevent hospitals from losing profit.  I haven't heard about the report from Cancer Center, so it was a nice piece of information to add there. Your readers would have gained new knowledge from reading your essay.  You also ended it on a realistic note, that while cancer has taken a lot of steps forward for the better, it doesn't promise us complete recovery just yet. Thank you! 
~T.Harmony <3

I was impressed with cancer treatment's current advancements in the medical field.
>> CORRECT!
In fact, billions of people have suffered cancer in recent years. 
>> ...billions of people have suffered from cancer...
Even though there are a lot of people who have a hard time because of cancer, we could see that patients are decreasing compared to the last few years. 
>> CORRECT!
Here is the evidence. 
>> CORRECT!
According to the Cancer Center, "more than 80% of people diagnosed with cancer types which are easier to diagnose and/or treat survive"(Cancer Center, 2022). 
>> CORRECT!
People are usually afraid to get cancer because they believe cancer is the cruelest and most fatal disease in the world. 
>> CORRECT!
OR>> People often fear being diagnosed of cancer because they think of it as incurable and highly fatal.
But that rate makes people feel much more comfortable with cancer, in addition, it shows cancer treatment has developed a lot. 
>> However, the percentage reported by Cancer Center in 2022 makes people feel much more at ease with cancer. In addition, it shows cancer treatment has developed a lot. 
But whether cancer treatment develops, it should be developed more than now. 
>> CORRECT!
Because there is still some cancer that is hard to fully recover from. 
>> ...still some types of cancer...
Especially, only 12.8% of people can recover from brain cancer. 
>> In particular, ...
Better quality of medical treatment can make better society
>> ...can make a better society.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
124791 How would you feel if, one day, you woke up 300 years in the... ¼Û*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2023-01-11 3
124790 Answer : Can you tell me about a strange dream you\'ve had? Á¤*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-11 620
124789 What is the greatest threat to privacy? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-11 4
124788 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-11 0
124787 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-01-11 1
124786 Joy\'s homework ^^ Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-11 2
124785 Some expression I learned today Á¶*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-01-11 614
124784 How do you think your social habits would be different if you... Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-11 5
124783 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-11 568
124782 What do you think is the most important quality for a customer... Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-11 3
124781 What is the difference between complaining and nagging? Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-11 3
124780 homework ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-01-11 0
124779 About my online business ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-11 3
124778 Stress ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-11 517
124777 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-11 1
124776 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-11 440
124775 If a certain information that you heard were true, what would... ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2023-01-11 540
124774 My opinion of main causes of jealousy ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-11 594
124773 Blood donation ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-11 1
124772 2023.1.11 À±*ÈÆ ÁøÇàÁß 2023-01-11 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04