¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Why is going to the military considered a state duty? Should military service be mandatory or option

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2023-03-17 452

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Korea is only one country which is devided with two countries in the world. There always be risk of war because we are in ceasefire now so we want to make an agreement with North Korea to end of the war. In addition, Korea is located around the powerful nations such as China, Japan and Russia. We need to prevent our country by ourself. That's why we have choosen conscription. Men who don't have mental and physical problem have to join the army mandatorily. There were a lot of problem in the army. Most people have experienced physical violence from their senior during conscription period that might be serious injury. Victims couldn't get proper treatment although, they have suffered from assault. It is common to hide whatever have happened in the army because sergents don't want to speread it to public. Administors in the army have realized that military culture must be changed years ago, but there still be victim there. So, what if we can hire soldiers with high sarary, it would be th

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

Korea is only one country which is devided with two countries in the world. 
>> Korea is only one country which is divided into two countries in the world. 
There always be risk of war because we are in ceasefire now so we want to make an agreement with North Korea to end of the war. 
>> There will always be risk of war because we are in ceasefire now so we want to make an agreement with North Korea to end the war.
In addition, Korea is located around the powerful nations such as China, Japan and Russia. 
>> CORRECT!
We need to prevent our country by ourself. 
>> We need to prevent our country by ourselves
That's why we have choosen conscription. 
>> That's why we have chosen conscription. 
Men who don't have mental and physical problem have to join the army mandatorily. 
>> CORRECT!
There were a lot of problem in the army. 
>> There were a lot of problems in the army. 
Most people have experienced physical violence from their senior during conscription period that might be serious injury. 
>> Most people have experienced physical violence from their senior during conscription period that might result to serious injuries. 
Victims couldn't get proper treatment although, they have suffered from assault. 
>> CORRECT!
It is common to hide whatever have happened in the army because sergents don't want to speread it to public. 
>> It is common to hide whatever have happened in the army because sergeants don't want to spread it to the public. 
Administors in the army have realized that military culture must be changed years ago, but there still be victim there. 
>> Administrators in the army have realized that military culture must have been changed years ago, but there were still victims there. 
So, what if we can hire soldiers with high sarary, it would be th
>> So, if we hire soldiers with high salary, it would be their benefit to take advantage of the others in the military.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
125625 Homework ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 526
125624 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 0
125623 What kind of information are you comfortable releasing to the... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 687
125622 What do you picture yourself doing 10 years from now? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 263
125621 Homework ¼Û*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 1
125620 What is your favorite all-time game? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 307
125619 Has China sent spy balloons to your country? Share your answer... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 3
125618 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 0
125617 Best memory in the sky ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 2
125616 Have gun at home is very dangerous. ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 407
125615 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 1
125614 WRITING TASK: Do you think the type of vacation one takes... ¹Ú*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 269
125613 moms ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 483
125612 Homework ¹è*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 215
125611 Which country would you NOT like to visit? Why? Àå*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 272
125610 My work environment ±Ç*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 2
125609 13.Feb.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 1
125608 1. land animals 2. rabbit ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 2
125607 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 433
125606 if i can change my life À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 482

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04