¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Why is going to the military considered a state duty? Should military service be mandatory or option

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2023-03-17 506

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Korea is only one country which is devided with two countries in the world. There always be risk of war because we are in ceasefire now so we want to make an agreement with North Korea to end of the war. In addition, Korea is located around the powerful nations such as China, Japan and Russia. We need to prevent our country by ourself. That's why we have choosen conscription. Men who don't have mental and physical problem have to join the army mandatorily. There were a lot of problem in the army. Most people have experienced physical violence from their senior during conscription period that might be serious injury. Victims couldn't get proper treatment although, they have suffered from assault. It is common to hide whatever have happened in the army because sergents don't want to speread it to public. Administors in the army have realized that military culture must be changed years ago, but there still be victim there. So, what if we can hire soldiers with high sarary, it would be th

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

Korea is only one country which is devided with two countries in the world. 
>> Korea is only one country which is divided into two countries in the world. 
There always be risk of war because we are in ceasefire now so we want to make an agreement with North Korea to end of the war. 
>> There will always be risk of war because we are in ceasefire now so we want to make an agreement with North Korea to end the war.
In addition, Korea is located around the powerful nations such as China, Japan and Russia. 
>> CORRECT!
We need to prevent our country by ourself. 
>> We need to prevent our country by ourselves
That's why we have choosen conscription. 
>> That's why we have chosen conscription. 
Men who don't have mental and physical problem have to join the army mandatorily. 
>> CORRECT!
There were a lot of problem in the army. 
>> There were a lot of problems in the army. 
Most people have experienced physical violence from their senior during conscription period that might be serious injury. 
>> Most people have experienced physical violence from their senior during conscription period that might result to serious injuries. 
Victims couldn't get proper treatment although, they have suffered from assault. 
>> CORRECT!
It is common to hide whatever have happened in the army because sergents don't want to speread it to public. 
>> It is common to hide whatever have happened in the army because sergeants don't want to spread it to the public. 
Administors in the army have realized that military culture must be changed years ago, but there still be victim there. 
>> Administrators in the army have realized that military culture must have been changed years ago, but there were still victims there. 
So, what if we can hire soldiers with high sarary, it would be th
>> So, if we hire soldiers with high salary, it would be their benefit to take advantage of the others in the military.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
128366 What is your busiest day of the week? Why is it the busiest day? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-22 3280
128365 Why is volunteering important? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-05-22 1
128364 Do you prefer to travel alone or in a group? why? ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-05-22 2024
128363 Why is being prepared necessary? ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-05-22 1238
128362 How will you describe your ideal guy? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-21 1522
128361 Writing task ¾È*Çü ¿Ï·á 2023-05-21 1084
128360 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-21 866
128359 Children who are good liars often grow up to be very... ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-21 1495
128358 What do you think is the most severe social problem? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-21 2
128357 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-21 2
128356 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-21 1
128355 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-21 3
128354 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-21 0
128353 HOMRWORK ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-20 0
128352 homework 5/18 ¹æ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-20 2
128351 What is your favorite season and why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-05-20 985
128350 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-20 780
128349 It depend on an experience and a circumstance of their family. ÀÌ*¿õ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-20 3
128348 19.5.23. Homework ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-20 1252
128347 Homework ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 921

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04