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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

3/15 homework

작성자: 강*희
2023-03-16 525

회원님의 영작문

Technology is developing nowadays. Our life has become easier and give a lot of benefits because of it. But there are some worries that human will be prevailed by robots. It has been very controversial.
I think robots will cause unemployment.
It is because first, it can help the process far fast and accurate. Human can spoil the work, or be sick and old. Human resouces are limited. It is not help for employer to hire a human instead of robots.
Second, Korea society has become older. As a result, business men's retire season is being delayed. So there is no extra positions for people to go in. When the robots appear in this unfortunate situation, many employees will be lost their job.
Some other say that there will be new jobs relating to machine, robots or energy, considering developed technology. But those new jobs probably suit for people with degree or high knowledge. And most of un-employees must be in the service work, which will be vanish first when technical developed.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Emily!
When I think about that kind of future, it really scares me too. Anyways, great job in improving your usage of punctuation marks! There are a lot less spelling mistakes too. The writing was well thought of and very insightful. See you in our next class and I applaud you for a job well done! 
~~Teacher Kate

Technology is developing nowadays. 
>>CORRECT!
Our life has become easier and give a lot of benefits because of it. 
>>Our life has become easier and we gain a lot of benefits from it. 
But there are some worries that human will be prevailed by robots
>>But there are some worries that humans will be dominated by robots. 
It has been very controversial.
>>CORRECT!
I think robots will cause unemployment.
>>CORRECT!
It is because first, it can help the process far fast and accurate. 
>>It is because first, it can help the process far more quickly and accurately. 
Human can spoil the work, or be sick and old. Human resouces are limited. 
>>Human can mess up at work, or be sick and old. Human resources are limited. 
It is not help for employer to hire a human instead of robots.
>>It is not helpful for employers to hire a human instead of robots.
Second, Korea society has become older. 
>>CORRECT!
As a result, business men's retire season is being delayed. 
>>As a result, employees' retirement is being delayed. 
So there is no extra positions for people to go in. 
>>So there are no extra positions for people to fill. 
When the robots appear in this unfortunate situation, many employees will be lost their job.
>>When the robots appear in this unfortunate situation, many employees will lose their jobs.
Some other say that there will be new jobs relating to machine, robots or energy, considering developed technology. 
>>Some other say that there will be new jobs relates to machines, robots or energy, considering the developed technology. 
But those new jobs probably suit for people with degree or high knowledge. 
>>But those new jobs would probably only suit people with a degree and a lot of knowledge. 
And most of un-employees must be in the service work, which will be vanish first when technical developed.
>>And most of the unemployed would work in the service industry, which will vanish first when technology further develops. 
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01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

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02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
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04

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