¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

3/15 homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: °­*Èñ
2023-03-16 624

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Technology is developing nowadays. Our life has become easier and give a lot of benefits because of it. But there are some worries that human will be prevailed by robots. It has been very controversial.
I think robots will cause unemployment.
It is because first, it can help the process far fast and accurate. Human can spoil the work, or be sick and old. Human resouces are limited. It is not help for employer to hire a human instead of robots.
Second, Korea society has become older. As a result, business men's retire season is being delayed. So there is no extra positions for people to go in. When the robots appear in this unfortunate situation, many employees will be lost their job.
Some other say that there will be new jobs relating to machine, robots or energy, considering developed technology. But those new jobs probably suit for people with degree or high knowledge. And most of un-employees must be in the service work, which will be vanish first when technical developed.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Emily!
When I think about that kind of future, it really scares me too. Anyways, great job in improving your usage of punctuation marks! There are a lot less spelling mistakes too. The writing was well thought of and very insightful. See you in our next class and I applaud you for a job well done! 
~~Teacher Kate

Technology is developing nowadays. 
>>CORRECT!
Our life has become easier and give a lot of benefits because of it. 
>>Our life has become easier and we gain a lot of benefits from it. 
But there are some worries that human will be prevailed by robots
>>But there are some worries that humans will be dominated by robots. 
It has been very controversial.
>>CORRECT!
I think robots will cause unemployment.
>>CORRECT!
It is because first, it can help the process far fast and accurate. 
>>It is because first, it can help the process far more quickly and accurately. 
Human can spoil the work, or be sick and old. Human resouces are limited. 
>>Human can mess up at work, or be sick and old. Human resources are limited. 
It is not help for employer to hire a human instead of robots.
>>It is not helpful for employers to hire a human instead of robots.
Second, Korea society has become older. 
>>CORRECT!
As a result, business men's retire season is being delayed. 
>>As a result, employees' retirement is being delayed. 
So there is no extra positions for people to go in. 
>>So there are no extra positions for people to fill. 
When the robots appear in this unfortunate situation, many employees will be lost their job.
>>When the robots appear in this unfortunate situation, many employees will lose their jobs.
Some other say that there will be new jobs relating to machine, robots or energy, considering developed technology. 
>>Some other say that there will be new jobs relates to machines, robots or energy, considering the developed technology. 
But those new jobs probably suit for people with degree or high knowledge. 
>>But those new jobs would probably only suit people with a degree and a lot of knowledge. 
And most of un-employees must be in the service work, which will be vanish first when technical developed.
>>And most of the unemployed would work in the service industry, which will vanish first when technology further develops. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
128711 Share an experience that has helped to shape your values and... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 2
128710 What is your favorite Korean dish and why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 1080
128709 Is it possible parents and children to be friend? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 0
128708 I want to be.. ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 3
128707 How would the world be different if we never considered beauty? ¹Ú*³ª ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 1023
128706 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 1
128705 Disagree. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 2
128704 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 1110
128703 Writing task ¾È*Çü ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 969
128702 To take care of the health ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 1233
128701 scam ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 770
128700 Homework ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 0
128699 Do you think sleep is important? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 0
128698 A good horror movie! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 1127
128697 What could be your advice for people who are suffering from... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 1269
128696 How do you deal with a busy schedule? Do you usually finish... ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 1577
128695 Do you think sleep is important? Why or why not? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 883
128694 Bring some stuff for hiking ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-06 882
128693 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-06 868
128692 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-06 1689

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04