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영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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Homework

작성자: 김*우
2023-03-13 771

회원님의 영작문

Hi, there.
Another new weekday!
Our clinic was so busy as other days.
Thus, there were many mistakes taken by our staff.
There were two main complaints.
While I solved the one of them, I couldn't make another one.
In conclusion, one client got a refund about her whole treatment.
Hence, one of our managers almost cried with her responsibility.
Dr. MJ and I told her that she did her best and it was not her fault.
Anyway, a new male manager joined our clinic and in front of all managers, Dr. MJ announced that this new guy will take all of hard works soon.
I thought that he felt too much pressure about it.
However, he will overcome it and prove himself, I expected.
This afternoon, Dr. MJ gave me boiled eggs and said, "Prevent hypoglycemia."
Thanks to eggs, I didn't feel any dizziness and fatigue.
Dr. MJ also said, "Bro, I am your office wife. "
It really does.
At times, he seems to be nicer to me than my wife.
I am going to sleep early, because of expected hardwork tomorrow.
See you.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Dr. Kim!

Every Monday is the perfect opportunity to start the new work week fresh. Nowadays, everyday matters to you, Dr. MJ, and your entire clinic managers and staff to financially recover and keep the momentum high. If one is making mistakes at work, that may mean that this person is easily distracted and cannot focus on the task at hand. His/ Her mind is constantly bombarded with a series of actions. Thus, everyone in your clinic needs to work on their individual and collective mindsets. This means, everyone ought to work on thought patterns and change ineffective systems. Here, even if the staff's minds and actions could sometimes be negative, those thoughts can be converted into positive ones, the kind that keeps you motivated to achieve your clinic's greatness.

A healthy working relationship is designed to be a give and take, with all of you working together to provide support, encouragement, and compassion during times of challenge, sadness, or problems. Dr. MJ knows this by heart. Finally, always treat people how you would like to be treated: with kindness, courtesy and politeness. Encourage your staff to share their valuable ideas on how to improve your clinic's systems. Actively listen to their needs and acknowledge their small victories. 

I commend your honest and organized thoughts yesterday. Please go over my grammar suggestions as usual.

I will see you again in class.

-T. Donna~

Hi, there.
>> Correct!

Another new weekday!
>> It's another weekday!
Or: It's a new weekday!

Our clinic was so busy as other days.
>> Our clinic was so busy as the other days.

Thus, there were many mistakes taken by our staff.
>> Correct!

There were two main complaints.
>> Correct!

While I solved the one of them, I couldn't make another one.
>> While I solved one of them, I couldn't make another one.

In conclusion, one client got a refund about her whole treatment.
>> Correct!

Hence, one of our managers almost cried with her responsibility.
>> Correct!

Dr. MJ and I told her that she did her best and it was not her fault.
>> Correct!

Anyway, a new male manager joined our clinic and in front of all managers, Dr. MJ announced that this new guy will take all of hard works soon.
>> Anyway, a new male manager joined our clinic and in front of all managers, Dr. MJ announced that this new guy will take all of the hard work soon.

I thought that he felt too much pressure about it.
>> Correct!

However, he will overcome it and prove himself, I expected.
>> Correct!

This afternoon, Dr. MJ gave me boiled eggs and said, "Prevent hypoglycemia."
>> Correct!

Thanks to eggs, I didn't feel any dizziness and fatigue.
>> Thanks to the eggs, I didn't feel any dizziness and fatigue. 

Dr. MJ also said, "Bro, I am your office wife. "
>> Correct!

It really does.
>> He really is.

At times, he seems to be nicer to me than my wife.
>> Correct! ^^

I am going to sleep early, because of expected hardwork tomorrow.
>> Correct!

See you.
>> Correct!
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