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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Aarrrgggghhhhh, a human baby?!

작성자: 김*율
2023-03-06 478

회원님의 영작문

The wizards&witches at the magic world were scared of human babies. Adult humans, they can just cast a memory charm over them to wipe the memory that they've seen a witch/wizard. But, magic don't work on baby humans. Unaware wizards think human babies would be a monster. BUT! There was a witch who gave up her wand to keep a human baby alive. Once, there was a haunted art museum which adult humans even didn't want to go. Witches&wizards often go there to see some moving pictures of friend witches/wizards. But a witch had seen a human baby. She screamed and throwing money on the place, she wrenched the baby out onto the sink of her own home. She back away as far as she can go, and then observed it. Then she felt true love. She couldn't leave the baby alone. She was childless and she truely loved this baby. Then, the baby is mortal, so he can't live with the witch. so she made a tearful decision. She broke her wand. When the owner of a wand break... to be continued in the chatbox of ours.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Heather! Thank you for this story. I added the sentences you sent in our chatbox. We will talk about this in class. I will see you then. Take care! ~T. Lyn
The wizards&witches at the magic world were scared of human babies. 
>>Wizards and witches in the wizarding world were afraid of human babies.
Adult humans, they can just cast a memory charm over them to wipe the memory that they've seen a witch/wizard. 
>>Human adults can cast memory spells to erase their memories of seeing witches or wizards.
But, magic don't work on baby humans. 
>>But magic doesn't work on human babies.
Unaware wizards think human babies would be a monster. 
>>An unknowing wizard thinks a human baby will turn into a monster.
BUT! There was a witch who gave up her wand to keep a human baby alive. 
>>But there was a witch who gave up her wand to save a human baby.
Once, there was a haunted art museum which adult humans even didn't want to go.
>>Once, there was a haunted art museum that even adult humans wouldn't want to go to.
Witches&wizards often go there to see some moving pictures of friend witches/wizards.
>>Witches and wizards often go there to see moving pictures of their friends.
But a witch had seen a human baby. 
>>But the witch saw a human baby.
She screamed and throwing money on the place, she wrenched the baby out onto the sink of her own home. 
>>She screamed, threw money on the spot, and twisted the baby into the sink of her own houe.
She back away as far as she can go, and then observed it. 
>>She stood back as far as she could and observed the baby.
Then....... she felt true love. 
>>Correct.
She couldn't leave the baby alone. 
>>Correct.
She was childless and she truely loved this baby. 
>>She had no children and truly loved this baby.
Then, the baby is mortal, so he can't live with the witch. 
>>Then the baby is doomed to die, so he can't live with witch.
so she made a tearful decision. 
>>So, she made a sad, tearful decision.
She broke her wand. 
>>Correct.
When the owner of a wand breaks the wand, the witch/wizard turns into mortal human.
>>When the owner breaks its wand, the witches and wizards turns into human beings.
Witches/wizard are born with a wand clutched in their hand. 
>>Witches and wizards are born with wands in their hands.
The wand was made with the witch/wizard baby and they have a bond with the owner. 
>>The wand is created with a witch or wizard baby and has a bond with its owner.
But the witch broke it, and that made the witch into a human. 
>>But the witch broke it and made the witch human
The witch wanted to be a true mother. 
>>The witch wanted to be a real mother.
The witch, named Brismareda Esther Esimeralda did her last apparating to the human world, taking the baby with her! 
>>A witch named Brismareda Esther Esimeralda appears last in the human world with a baby.
Then the baby named Sedric E. Arlorn grew up to be a happy couple with another wand-breaken young witch named Antasiana Q. Arlorn... 
>>Then the baby, named Sedric E. Arlorn, grew up to be a happy couple with another young witch with a broken wand named Antasiana Q. Arlorn.
and Brismareda and Sedric and Antasiana became the most happy and last with/wizard to ever live on the mortal earth of humans.
>>Brismareda,Sedric, and Antasiana become the happiest and last wizards on Earth who are now mortals.
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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
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03
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04

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