무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What effective measures can the Ministry of Health and Welfare set to improve children’s health care

작성자: 황*하
2023-03-02 501

회원님의 영작문

I believe that the Ministry of Health must provide effective solution to solve low birth rate. If they sucess to increase pertility rate, we don't have to worry about the shortage of pediatric doctors. Doctors work for sympathy to the patients and they believe that they have strong sense of duty to provide qualitative medical services. However, they also consider their income too. Young people, especially, would like to find their jobs which gurantee high income and easier positions. So, surgeons are not popular choice for them because it is really hard to participate in the surgery for a long time. Many doctors pursue easier duties these days so they select non invasive department like radiology, plastic surgery and dematology. To solve these problem, the government should provide facilities for children in various ways and need to incease the minimum wage. I believe that it will be solved, if the fatility rate increases.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

I believe that the Ministry of Health must provide effective solution to solve low birth rate. 
>> CORRECT!
If they sucess to increase pertility rate, we don't have to worry about the shortage of pediatric doctors.
>> If they succeed to increase fertility rate, we don't have to worry about the shortage of pediatric doctors.
Doctors work for sympathy to the patients and they believe that they have strong sense of duty to provide qualitative medical services. 
>> CORRECT!
However, they also consider their income too. 
>> CORRECT!
Young people, especially, would like to find their jobs which gurantee high income and easier positions. 
>> Young people, especially, would like to find their jobs which would guarantee them high income and easier positions. 
So, surgeons are not popular choice for them because it is really hard to participate in the surgery for a long time. 
>> So, being a surgeon is not popular choice for them because it is really hard to participate in the surgery for a long time. 
Many doctors pursue easier duties these days so they select non invasive department like radiology, plastic surgery and dematology. 
>> Many doctors pursue easier duties these days so they select non-invasive departments like radiology, plastic surgery, and dermatology. 
OR >> Many doctors pursue easier duties these days so they select non-invasive departments like radiology, reconstructive surgery, and dermatology. 
To solve these problem, the government should provide facilities for children in various ways and need to incease the minimum wage. 
>> To solve this problem, the government should provide facilities for children in various ways and need to increase the minimum wage. 
I believe that it will be solved, if the fatility rate increases.
>> I believe that it will be solved, if the fertility rate increases.

번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
125451 Do you have a favorite book character? 박*연 완료 2023-02-08 437
125450 The pollution. 김*윤 완료 2023-02-08 282
125449 The latest appliance 민*정 완료 2023-02-08 1
125448 What is you biggest insecurities? 정*화 완료 2023-02-08 374
125447 Answer : \"To have a good friend, you need to be a good... 정*희 완료 2023-02-08 510
125446 Do you think gambling is good or bad for gamblers? 신*섭 완료 2023-02-08 475
125445 What policy for women do you want for Iran? Share your answer in... 김*진 완료 2023-02-08 2
125444 Wednesday Homework 류*우 완료 2023-02-08 605
125443 Homework 김*환 완료 2023-02-08 566
125442 homework 신*휘 완료 2023-02-08 452
125441 Why is cinema paradise your all time favorite movie? 이*화 완료 2023-02-08 1
125440 What is the best way to make new friends? 배*하 완료 2023-02-08 548
125439 Do you like any foreign celebrities? Who and why do you like... 송*라 완료 2023-02-08 2
125438 Does violence on TV influence some young people to engage in... 김*경 완료 2023-02-08 360
125437 Today I made a rolling paper! 우*선 완료 2023-02-08 413
125436 What would you do if someone lends you one million dollars? 편*연 완료 2023-02-08 0
125435 Homework 함*주 완료 2023-02-08 1
125434 2/8 Homework 최*봄 완료 2023-02-08 392
125433 Lesson 7 : Homework 김*혜 완료 2023-02-08 290
125432 I watch movie in the cinema. 오*혁 완료 2023-02-08 253

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]