¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think the way people look at failure plays a big part in how successful they become?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*°æ
2023-02-24 1070

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don¡¯t let others decide whether my life is successful or not. How terrible life it is if my life should be determined by others, not me who knows myself better than any other. I don¡¯t deny that we don¡¯t need to be conscious of others, We can be better off with the precious advice of others. What I am trying to say is that It is myself that can judge my life at the end of my life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's your edited composition, Steve.
Thanks for sending it. 

Cheers,
Jean~~



Do you think the way people look at failure plays a big part in how successful they become?

How terrible life it is if my life should be determined by others, not me who knows myself better than any other. 
>> How terrible life would be if it were determined by others, not by me who knows myself better than any other person out there.  

I don¡¯t deny that we don¡¯t need to be conscious of others, We can be better off with the precious advice of others. 
>> I don¡¯t deny the fact that I believe we don¡¯t need to be conscious of others, we can be better off without the precious advice of others. 
>> [ NOTE: The two statements are contradictory so I find it confusing. I interpreted it the way I understood it. ]

What I am trying to say is that It is myself that can judge my life at the end of my life.
>> What I am trying to say is that ultimately, I myself can judge my own life. 
>> [ NOTE: I'm not sure if I understood your statement correctly, at any rate, the above is my interpretation. ]

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
132231 WRITING TASK: Who are you grateful for and why? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-11-07 3
132230 A role of press ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-11-07 2768
132229 What do you think is the biggest change in how families are in... ½Å*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-07 2233
132228 Homework Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-07 3405
132227 Why freedome of speech is important ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-07 1
132226 retirement ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-07 2919
132225 homework_231106 ÇÑ*·Ï ¿Ï·á 2023-11-07 1
132224 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-06 1980
132223 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-06 3000
132222 Children\'s future ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-11-06 2840
132221 homework ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2023-11-06 1
132220 Being active ÀÌ*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-11-06 1
132219 homework 11.06 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-11-06 2634
132218 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-06 3153
132217 What\'s your thought on rule by law? Give examples of rule by... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-11-06 1
132216 Tell me about your most recent job. ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-11-06 3298
132215 Do you like it when your friend tells you a secret? Why or why... ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-06 2
132214 The firework I have seen ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-06 3053
132213 A letter of self introduction ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-06 2086
132212 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about ¡°Is having free... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-11-06 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04