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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What do you define as happiness and success in your own life?

작성자: 김*경
2023-02-15 474

회원님의 영작문

I think many people take richness for happiness. It’s understandable. That’s because we Koreans haven’t been taught or asked to think about what happy life is all through our lives. Our values have been made unconsciously as capitalism shows us. We think if we could have a luxurious car, nice house, or beautiful woman in the advertisement, we should be happy. But it is not the case. As far as I am concerned, happiness can’t be obtained by what we have. Rather, happiness comes from good relationships, such as friendship, love, and respect. Money is a useful tool to be happy, not the goal we pursue. Therefore, I want to define happiness and success as the state of being satisfied with a good relationship. I believe if we know the true meaning of happiness and success and feel happy and thankful, we might not be obsessed to make abundant money, thinking that the more money, the more happiness give me. Let us stop and think about what the world says about happiness and success to check.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Steve,

 

You've done a great job on this assignment.

It's impressive how well you express yourself both verbally and in writing. You write and speak in a clear and concise manner. I enjoy reading and listening to everything that you have to say.

 

The truth is that happiness is frequently a personal experience and difficult to measure. Success is commonly evaluated from the outside or in relation to other people.

 

While success can be attributed to an individual or a group, happiness typically comes from within an individual.

 

Numerous individuals strive for happiness. The majority of people also have a strong desire to achieve success in life and believe that achieving success will make them happier.

 

We know happiness and success are inextricably linked, though we may never know which is more important. But for me, Happiness is a choice you can choose to make.

 

 

~Teacher Cathy




I think many people take richness for happiness.

>> CORRECT

OR >> I believe that a lot of people mistake wealth for happiness.

It’s understandable.

>> CORRECT

OR >> This makes sense.

That’s because we Koreans haven’t been taught or asked to think about what happy life is all through our lives.

>> CORRECT

OR >> That's because we Koreans have never been instructed or asked to consider what a happy life is.

Our values have been made unconsciously as capitalism shows us.

>> CORRECT

OR >> Due to capitalism, our ideals have been formed unconsciously.

We think if we could have a luxurious car, nice house, or beautiful woman in the advertisement, we should be happy.

>> CORRECT

OR >> We thought that if we had a luxurious car, a nice house, or a beautiful woman in the advertisement then we would be happy.

But it is not the case.

>> CORRECT

OR >> But it is not always true.

As far as I am concerned, happiness can’t be obtained by what we have.

>> CORRECT

OR >> In my opinion, happiness cannot be attained through material possessions.

Rather, happiness comes from good relationships, such as friendship, love, and respect.

>> CORRECT

OR >> Instead, happiness comes from good relationships, such as friendship, love, and respect.

Money is a useful tool to be happy, not the goal we pursue.

>> CORRECT

OR >> Money is a useful tool to be happy, but it should not be the goal to pursue.

Therefore, I want to define happiness and success as the state of being satisfied with a good relationship.

>> CORRECT

OR >> Therefore, I want to say that being satisfied with a good relationship is what defines happiness and success.

I believe if we know the true meaning of happiness and success and feel happy and thankful, we might not be obsessed to make abundant money, thinking that the more money, the more happiness give me.

>> I believe if we know the true meaning of happiness and success and feel happy and thankful, we might not be obsessed with making an abundant amount of money and think that the more money, the more happiness it gives.

Let us stop and think about what the world says about happiness and success to check.

>> CORRECT

OR >> Let us stop and think about what the world says about happiness and success.

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