무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What do you define as happiness and success in your own life?

작성자: 김*경
2023-02-15 490

회원님의 영작문

I think many people take richness for happiness. It’s understandable. That’s because we Koreans haven’t been taught or asked to think about what happy life is all through our lives. Our values have been made unconsciously as capitalism shows us. We think if we could have a luxurious car, nice house, or beautiful woman in the advertisement, we should be happy. But it is not the case. As far as I am concerned, happiness can’t be obtained by what we have. Rather, happiness comes from good relationships, such as friendship, love, and respect. Money is a useful tool to be happy, not the goal we pursue. Therefore, I want to define happiness and success as the state of being satisfied with a good relationship. I believe if we know the true meaning of happiness and success and feel happy and thankful, we might not be obsessed to make abundant money, thinking that the more money, the more happiness give me. Let us stop and think about what the world says about happiness and success to check.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Steve,

 

You've done a great job on this assignment.

It's impressive how well you express yourself both verbally and in writing. You write and speak in a clear and concise manner. I enjoy reading and listening to everything that you have to say.

 

The truth is that happiness is frequently a personal experience and difficult to measure. Success is commonly evaluated from the outside or in relation to other people.

 

While success can be attributed to an individual or a group, happiness typically comes from within an individual.

 

Numerous individuals strive for happiness. The majority of people also have a strong desire to achieve success in life and believe that achieving success will make them happier.

 

We know happiness and success are inextricably linked, though we may never know which is more important. But for me, Happiness is a choice you can choose to make.

 

 

~Teacher Cathy




I think many people take richness for happiness.

>> CORRECT

OR >> I believe that a lot of people mistake wealth for happiness.

It’s understandable.

>> CORRECT

OR >> This makes sense.

That’s because we Koreans haven’t been taught or asked to think about what happy life is all through our lives.

>> CORRECT

OR >> That's because we Koreans have never been instructed or asked to consider what a happy life is.

Our values have been made unconsciously as capitalism shows us.

>> CORRECT

OR >> Due to capitalism, our ideals have been formed unconsciously.

We think if we could have a luxurious car, nice house, or beautiful woman in the advertisement, we should be happy.

>> CORRECT

OR >> We thought that if we had a luxurious car, a nice house, or a beautiful woman in the advertisement then we would be happy.

But it is not the case.

>> CORRECT

OR >> But it is not always true.

As far as I am concerned, happiness can’t be obtained by what we have.

>> CORRECT

OR >> In my opinion, happiness cannot be attained through material possessions.

Rather, happiness comes from good relationships, such as friendship, love, and respect.

>> CORRECT

OR >> Instead, happiness comes from good relationships, such as friendship, love, and respect.

Money is a useful tool to be happy, not the goal we pursue.

>> CORRECT

OR >> Money is a useful tool to be happy, but it should not be the goal to pursue.

Therefore, I want to define happiness and success as the state of being satisfied with a good relationship.

>> CORRECT

OR >> Therefore, I want to say that being satisfied with a good relationship is what defines happiness and success.

I believe if we know the true meaning of happiness and success and feel happy and thankful, we might not be obsessed to make abundant money, thinking that the more money, the more happiness give me.

>> I believe if we know the true meaning of happiness and success and feel happy and thankful, we might not be obsessed with making an abundant amount of money and think that the more money, the more happiness it gives.

Let us stop and think about what the world says about happiness and success to check.

>> CORRECT

OR >> Let us stop and think about what the world says about happiness and success.

번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
126042 homework 김*연 완료 2023-02-27 456
126041 Homework from the Feedback (17) 박*하 완료 2023-02-27 902
126040 homework 정*호 완료 2023-02-27 0
126039 homework 박*은 완료 2023-02-27 2
126038 HOMEWORK FOR TODAY: ESSAY: Many governments think that economic... 앨* 완료 2023-02-27 2
126037 Homework 에*미 완료 2023-02-27 0
126036 Why is Eglish fluency signicant for me? 이*혜 완료 2023-02-27 2
126035 homework 박*민 완료 2023-02-27 4
126034 Monday Homework 류*우 완료 2023-02-27 544
126033 Essay 송*민 완료 2023-02-27 0
126032 Homework 박*민 완료 2023-02-27 433
126031 Lesson 12 ; Homework 김*혜 완료 2023-02-27 700
126030 collecting 민*정 완료 2023-02-27 1
126029 What are some reasons why Western people live a \'YOLO\' life... 김*진 완료 2023-02-27 2
126028 What is your favorite movie soundtrack? Why do you like it? 전*연 완료 2023-02-27 0
126027 My trip 민*정 완료 2023-02-27 1
126026 Homework 함*주 완료 2023-02-27 1
126025 Do you think change is important in people\'s life? 전*연 완료 2023-02-27 0
126024 homework 편*연 완료 2023-02-27 1
126023 My opinion regarding bullying 김*지 완료 2023-02-27 1072

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]