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영작교정 게시판

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In your opinion, what would schools be like in the future? Explain.

작성자: 김*경
2023-02-10 988

회원님의 영작문

In the past, schools were called the sole source of knowledge students and even companies could learn useful knowledge only in school. So parents in Korea didn’t spare money to let their students learn in school. Schools, especially colleges were admired so much that they made sure that the graduates got good jobs after graduation.
However, now, what happened to schools? As more and more data and information have been shared and disclosed, universities are constantly threatened to lose their position as the sole source of knowledge. People can get data or information that they need outside of school. Now it’s time for schools to think about their roles and identities.
I think schools in the future would be like a big place for discussion and getting what they have together to develop them. Discussions with people can be available online. However, Face-to-face discussions and meetings can be more fruitful and effective. Therefore, facilities in colleges need to be adjusted to meeting.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Steve!
The correct terms are important here.
They could be used to express the exact meaning of your thoughts. 
Read them over and practice them.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
In the past, schools were called the sole source of knowledge.
>> Correct
students and even companies could learn useful knowledge only in school. 
>> Students and even companies could learn useful knowledge only in school. 
So parents in Korea didn’t spare money to let their students learn in school. 
>> Correct
Schools, especially colleges were admired so much that they made sure that the graduates got good jobs after graduation.
>> Schools, especially colleges, were admired so much that they made sure that the graduates got good jobs after graduation.
However, now, what happened to schools? 
>> Correct
As more and more data and information have been shared and disclosed, universities are constantly threatened to lose their position as the sole source of knowledge. 
>> Correct
People can get data or information that they need outside of school. 
>> Correct
Now it’s time for schools to think about their roles and identities.
>> Correct
I think schools in the future would be like a big place for discussion and getting what they have together to develop them. 
>> Correct
Discussions with people can be available online. 
>> Correct
However, Face-to-face discussions and meetings can be more fruitful and effective. 
>> However, face-to-face discussions and meetings can be more fruitful and effective. 
Therefore, facilities in colleges need to be adjusted to meeting.
>> Therefore, facilities in colleges need to be adjusted to accommodate such meetings. 
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