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영작교정 게시판

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Who should decide on the limits of freedom? How?

작성자: 황*하
2023-02-09 792

회원님의 영작문

The right of freedom is the first value under the national law and it must be guaranteed by the law too. It is the superior than other values. Even though, there are better ways to help people's lives, it should not infrige the right of freedom. It's been just few years, we enjoy freedom. Our ancestors were sacrified to get it and it wasn't achieved at once. There is only one country which is not guaranteed the freedom in the world. People in North Korea are taught that people in demorcratic countries would be serious poor because of its structure. Some countries are still operated by a king or dictator. Most countries in Arab has ruled by like dictator. Although, they are limited to do something in their daily live, many people still support their government because they are well treated economically. Some people support it due to their religious belief. I think that most conflicts among people and countries has occured from religion. To solve it, people need to respect each religion.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

The right of freedom is the first value under the national law and it must be guaranteed by the law too. 
>> CORRECT! 
It is the superior than other values. 
>> It is the superior among other values. 
Even though, there are better ways to help people's lives, it should not infrige the right of freedom. 
>> Even though, there are better ways to help people's lives, it should not infringe the right of freedom. 
It's been just few years, we enjoy freedom. 
>> CORRECT! 
Our ancestors were sacrified to get it and it wasn't achieved at once. 
>> Our ancestors were sacrificed to get it and it wasn't achieved at once. 
There is only one country which is not guaranteed the freedom in the world. 
>> CORRECT! 
People in North Korea are taught that people in demorcratic countries would be serious poor because of its structure. 
>> People in North Korea are taught that people in democratic countries would be serious poor because of its structure. 
Some countries are still operated by a king or dictator. 
>> CORRECT! 
OR >> Some countries are still ruled by monarchs or dictators.
Most countries in Arab has ruled by like dictator. 
>> Most Arabian countries are ruled by dictators. 
Although, they are limited to do something in their daily live, many people still support their government because they are well treated economically. 
>> Although, they are limited to do something in their daily lives, many people still support their government because they are well treated economically. 
Some people support it due to their religious belief. 
>> CORRECT! 
OR >> Some people support it due to their religious norms. 
I think that most conflicts among people and countries has occured from religion. 
>> I think that most conflicts among people and countries have occurred from religion. 
To solve it, people need to respect each religion.
>> CORRECT! 

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