¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2023-02-02 1018

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Hello.
As you can expected, I had a hectic day.
I taught Dr. Bae all day as if mother did that to her baby.
He was so enthusiastic, thus I couldn't stand but explain to him with my best.
During the work time, I could talk with him for a long time, and I realized that he is a real good man.
He was polite, gentle, and kind.
He appreciated me many times.
So, how could I teach him without my best?
He learned many know-how from me.
After my work, I was totally exhausted.
And then, as soon as I came home, I longed for my whiskey.
Hence, I drank a three glasses of whiskey.
In fact, I wanted more, though.
Because I should work tomorrow with my best condition, I endured it.
About my homework, I like my personality basically.
I think I sometimes shared other's emotion too much.
Dr. MJ don't understand me about it, and he even think that it is bad to empathize other's emotion too much.
But, I like to share people's mind and emotion.
And sometime it make me think that I am a human.
See you soon.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good moring, Dr. Kim!

Hectic days are a gift. They make you stronger, better in your professioin, and richer in experince. Dr. Bae is lucky to learn from you. You are both kind doctors. This characted of beiing kind makes you empathize to your patients well and it makes them feel comfortable and safe when they get their treatments from you. 

Meanwhile, whisky has been your evening bestfriend. Always take it in with some food in your stomach. Just like yesterday, you apoke much in class with candidness, sympathy and empathy, and vivid descriptions. I like these most about your speech. Here n your writing, it is pretty much the same. 

Now, some are sympathetic or empathetic. Others have less of these. So, I think that you and Dr. M.J. are the opposite kinds. You balance each other's energies well and this is good in business. 

Go over my suggestions below in some of your sentences. Your consistency is very high and you always incorporate my suggestions to your speech and writing. With these, excellent job once again!

Have a wonderful day!

-T. Donna~

Hello.
>> Correct!

As you can expected, I had a hectic day.
>> As  expected, I had a hectic day.
Or: As I expected, it was a hectic day.

I taught Dr. Bae all day as if mother did that to her baby.
>>  I taught Dr. Bae all day as if a mother did that to her baby.

He was so enthusiastic, thus I couldn't stand but explain to him with my best.
>> Correct!

During the work time, I could talk with him for a long time, and I realized that he is a real good man.
>> Correct!

He was polite, gentle, and kind.
>> Correct!

He appreciated me many times.
>> Correct!

So, how could I teach him without my best?
>> Correct!

He learned many know-how from me.
>> Correct!

After my work, I was totally exhausted.
>> Correct!

And then, as soon as I came home, I longed for my whiskey.
>> Correct!

Hence, I drank a three glasses of whiskey.
>> Hence, I drank three glasses of whiskey.

In fact, I wanted more, though.
>> Correct!

Because I should work tomorrow with my best condition, I endured it.
>> Correct!

About my homework, I like my personality basically.
>> Correct!

I think I sometimes shared other's emotion too much.
>> Correct!

Dr. MJ don't understand me about it, and he even think that it is bad to empathize other's emotion too much.
>> Dr. MJ doesn't understand  it, and he even thinks that it is bad to empathize to other's emotion too much.

But, I like to share people's mind and emotion.
>> Correct!

And sometime it make me think that I am a human.
>> And sometimes, it makes me think that I am human.

See you soon.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
133279 Crime for good cause ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-16 1
133278 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \\ ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-12-16 2
133277 homwork ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-16 1
133276 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-15 2
133275 Do you think family gatherings are necessary? What do you enjoy... ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-15 2471
133274 What is your favorite food? Why? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-12-15 2239
133273 Do you like being at home alone? ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-15 5
133272 homework 12.15 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-12-15 2007
133271 Are you looking forward to any upcoming movies? What film do you... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-12-15 2238
133270 Doing a half day ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-12-15 1548
133269 What is the nicest thing a classmate has said to you? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-15 1647
133268 Homework ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-15 2019
133267 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-15 1
133266 test sample Te*002 ÁøÇàÁß 2023-12-15 2152
133265 What springs to mind when you hear the word \'MONDAY\'? ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-15 3
133264 Do you worry about cyber crime? Why? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-15 2346
133263 diary ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-15 1
133262 Should children be allowed to use social networking sites? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-12-15 2373
133261 Change My Appearance ¹Ú*À² ¿Ï·á 2023-12-15 2193
133260 What kind of neighbor do you prefer to have? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-15 2508

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04