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Do you agree that married young women with higher earned income are more likely to become ‘Time Poor

작성자: 황*하
2023-01-31 556

회원님의 영작문

Men was the one who makes money for their family but women and men go to work because it is difficult to educate their children with income from one person. People thought that they could have more free time since information technology introduced. However, most people have to answer more emails in every moment and need to do more work compare to the past due to the improvement of technology. Employers and employees always have different idea about most issues around the company, as an owners, they want staffs to work more time and want to get the best performance. They promise the promotion to employees, if staffs''s achievement is outstanding. It is true that most people live for money these days, but if they think it is enough for them, they would like to be well known people and want to leave their name in the world. We thought that we would be happier than before, if we have enough money, but people's mind has changed to pursue their free time because they realize that money is n

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

Men was the one who makes money for their family but women and men go to work because it is difficult to educate their children with income from one person. 
>> Men were the ones who make money for their family but women and men go to work because it is difficult to educate their children with income from one person only. 
People thought that they could have more free time since information technology introduced. 
>> People thought that they could have more free time since information and technology was introduced. 
However, most people have to answer more emails in every moment and need to do more work compare to the past due to the improvement of technology. 
>> CORRECT!
Employers and employees always have different idea about most issues around the company, as an owners, they want staffs to work more time and want to get the best performance. 
>> Employers and employees always have different idea about most issues around the company; as owners, they want staffs to work more time and want to get the best performance. 
They promise the promotion to employees, if staffs''s achievement is outstanding. 
>> They promise the promotion to employees, if staff's achievement is outstanding. 
It is true that most people live for money these days, but if they think it is enough for them, they would like to be well known people and want to leave their name in the world. 
>> CORRECT!
We thought that we would be happier than before, if we have enough money, but people's mind has changed to pursue their free time because they realize that money is n
>> We thought that we would be happier than before if we have enough money, but people's minds have changed to pursue their free time because they realize that money is not that important compared to time itself.
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