¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

have women to training and I think that if korea\\\'s population decline , women have to go military

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼ö
2023-01-29 824

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

south korea is country at war during 70 years.
War isn\'t finsh, so we protect our country.
south korea was partricarchal from a long time ago. (but be changing more changing now.)
so men was protect his family and country.
men and women is different physical structure and power.
men is strong better than women.
so men go to military (some woman go to military who want it)
I think that women don\'t have to go military now but they need to protect them selves.
they have to training and I think that if korea\'s population decline , women have to go military.
another way
men and women must protect they country .
pay money or go to military (person who go military receive more a monthly salary.
ex) pay 1.000$ or recive 2.000$ (monthly salary) for 2 years

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Ari! Thank you for trying your best to answer your essay! Keep learning new words! Have a nice day. 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
south korea is country at war during 70 years.
>>> South Korea was at war for 70 years. 
War isn\'t finsh, so we protect our country.
>>> The war isn't finish, so we have to protect our country.
south korea was partricarchal from a long time ago. (but be changing more changing now.)
>>> South Korea used to be patriarchal a long time ago. (but it's changing now.)
so men was protect his family and country.
>>> So fathers should protect his family and country.
men and women is different physical structure and power.
>>> Men and women are different in physical strength. 
men is strong better than women.
>>> Men are stronger than women.
so men go to military (some woman go to military who want it)
>>> So men have to go to the military (some women could also join the military if they want.)
I think that women don\'t have to go military now but they need to protect them selves.
>>> I think women don't have to go to the military now but they need to protect themselves.
they have to training and I think that if korea\'s population decline , women have to go military.
another way
>>> They have to be trained and I think if Korea's population decline, women have to go to the military too. 
men and women must protect they country .
>>> Men and women must protect their country.
pay money or go to military (person who go military receive more a monthly salary.
ex) pay 1.000$ or recive 2.000$ (monthly salary) for 2 years
>>> People who go to the military receive more monthly salary.
ex) pay 1.000$ or receive 2.000$ (monthly salary) for 2 years
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
124501 What is a memorable social gathering that you had in the past? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-12-29 0
124500 Why do some people experience more difficulty than others when... ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-12-29 9
124499 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-29 634
124498 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-29 615
124497 Have you ever volunteered to do something and then regretted... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-29 439
124496 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-12-29 2
124495 What do you hope to achieve in your English studies? Are your... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-29 1227
124494 In the following sentences change the verbs to the past tense. ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-29 485
124493 What does it mean to say, \'I feel under the weather\'? When did... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-29 587
124492 How important are after-school activities to kids these days? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-12-29 614
124491 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-29 504
124490 I cook sometimes. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-12-29 559
124489 12/29 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-12-29 563
124488 Use the following words in sentences ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-12-29 637
124487 What are the benefits of graduating from college? Does it also... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-12-29 581
124486 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-12-29 1
124485 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-29 588
124484 (Homework)ESSAY: What are the negative impacts of playing... ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-29 2
124483 The traveling ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-29 1
124482 If you could run a company or a business, what kind of business... ±è*¹® ¿Ï·á 2022-12-29 680

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04