¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

have women to training and I think that if korea\\\'s population decline , women have to go military

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼ö
2023-01-29 806

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

south korea is country at war during 70 years.
War isn\'t finsh, so we protect our country.
south korea was partricarchal from a long time ago. (but be changing more changing now.)
so men was protect his family and country.
men and women is different physical structure and power.
men is strong better than women.
so men go to military (some woman go to military who want it)
I think that women don\'t have to go military now but they need to protect them selves.
they have to training and I think that if korea\'s population decline , women have to go military.
another way
men and women must protect they country .
pay money or go to military (person who go military receive more a monthly salary.
ex) pay 1.000$ or recive 2.000$ (monthly salary) for 2 years

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Ari! Thank you for trying your best to answer your essay! Keep learning new words! Have a nice day. 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
south korea is country at war during 70 years.
>>> South Korea was at war for 70 years. 
War isn\'t finsh, so we protect our country.
>>> The war isn't finish, so we have to protect our country.
south korea was partricarchal from a long time ago. (but be changing more changing now.)
>>> South Korea used to be patriarchal a long time ago. (but it's changing now.)
so men was protect his family and country.
>>> So fathers should protect his family and country.
men and women is different physical structure and power.
>>> Men and women are different in physical strength. 
men is strong better than women.
>>> Men are stronger than women.
so men go to military (some woman go to military who want it)
>>> So men have to go to the military (some women could also join the military if they want.)
I think that women don\'t have to go military now but they need to protect them selves.
>>> I think women don't have to go to the military now but they need to protect themselves.
they have to training and I think that if korea\'s population decline , women have to go military.
another way
>>> They have to be trained and I think if Korea's population decline, women have to go to the military too. 
men and women must protect they country .
>>> Men and women must protect their country.
pay money or go to military (person who go military receive more a monthly salary.
ex) pay 1.000$ or recive 2.000$ (monthly salary) for 2 years
>>> People who go to the military receive more monthly salary.
ex) pay 1.000$ or receive 2.000$ (monthly salary) for 2 years
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
125762 2023-2/17 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 589
125761 Should we clone extinct plants and animals? Why or why not? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 649
125760 Do you believe that social media do more harm than good? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 716
125759 If I don¡¯t get enough sleep,¡¦ ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 449
125758 HOMEWORK È«*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 4
125757 [Writing Task] If you were a teacher, which subject would you... ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 528
125756 homework 02.17 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 297
125755 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 455
125754 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 434
125753 How do you practice long patience? ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 759
125752 Peer preasure¡¦ ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 458
125751 What do you think will happen if you will not support Ukraine as... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 4
125750 If you could change one law it your country, what would it be... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 501
125749 What problems did you have in your adolescence? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 523
125748 What would be your perfect Valentine\'s Day? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 511
125747 home work ¹è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 488
125746 i can explain the best 3 words is see, wait, write À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 537
125745 What does the word \'hero\' mean to you? ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 537
125744 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 479
125743 wish ¹Ú*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-17 584

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04