¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think people should have plastic surgery to enhance their looks?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*°æ
2023-01-27 515

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I want to answer the question by being more focused on women's plastic surgery.

Before answering the question, I have a question; why do people want to enhance their looks? I think people want to be more attractive to others or to appeal to others. I believe women can be attractive in many ways such as physically, mentally, or even spiritually. As the old saying goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So if you have a prejudice that men only like women with good looks, please reset your perspective on attractiveness. Speaking of attractiveness, what is attractiveness? I want to refer to attractiveness as something needed for a good relationship between people, particularly between men and women. I remember that one expert on TV about human relationships advised the audience to seek a partner who speaks the same language rather than one with just a nice figure or gorgeous face if they want to live happily with their partners. I agree with that. I think beauty is only skin deep.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Wonderful composition, Steve! It's a nicely written essay on the subject. Women, in particular, are expected to contort to society's standard of beauty. I commend you for narrowing your statement from beauty in women all the way to the core definition of beauty itself. Asking a question back, or starting your essay with a question, is a clever way of drawing your readers' attention. :) 
~T.Harmony <3

I want to answer the question by being more focused on women's plastic surgery.
>>CORRECT!

Before answering the question, I have a question; why do people want to enhance their looks?
>>CORRECT!
I think people want to be more attractive to others or to appeal to others.
>>CORRECT!
I believe women can be attractive in many ways such as physically, mentally, or even spiritually.
>>CORRECT!
As the old saying goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 
>>CORRECT!
So if you have a prejudice that men only like women with good looks, please reset your perspective on attractiveness. 
>>CORRECT!
Speaking of attractiveness, what is attractiveness?
>>CORRECT!
I want to refer to attractiveness as something needed for a good relationship between people, particularly between men and women.
>>CORRECT!
I remember that one expert on TV about human relationships advised the audience to seek a partner who speaks the same language rather than one with just a nice figure or gorgeous face if they want to live happily with their partners.
>> I remember that one expert on TV about human relationships, who advised the audience...
I agree with that.
>>CORRECT!
I think beauty is only skin deep.
>>CORRECT!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
125629 Being a photographer¡¦ ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 579
125628 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 2
125627 In your opinion, do miracles still happen? Why or why not? ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 692
125626 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 624
125625 Homework ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 578
125624 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 0
125623 What kind of information are you comfortable releasing to the... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 762
125622 What do you picture yourself doing 10 years from now? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 524
125621 Homework ¼Û*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 1
125620 What is your favorite all-time game? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 553
125619 Has China sent spy balloons to your country? Share your answer... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 3
125618 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 0
125617 Best memory in the sky ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 2
125616 Have gun at home is very dangerous. ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 494
125615 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 1
125614 WRITING TASK: Do you think the type of vacation one takes... ¹Ú*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 534
125613 moms ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 747
125612 Homework ¹è*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 481
125611 Which country would you NOT like to visit? Why? Àå*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 508
125610 My work environment ±Ç*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-14 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04