¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think people should have plastic surgery to enhance their looks?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*°æ
2023-01-27 548

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I want to answer the question by being more focused on women's plastic surgery.

Before answering the question, I have a question; why do people want to enhance their looks? I think people want to be more attractive to others or to appeal to others. I believe women can be attractive in many ways such as physically, mentally, or even spiritually. As the old saying goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So if you have a prejudice that men only like women with good looks, please reset your perspective on attractiveness. Speaking of attractiveness, what is attractiveness? I want to refer to attractiveness as something needed for a good relationship between people, particularly between men and women. I remember that one expert on TV about human relationships advised the audience to seek a partner who speaks the same language rather than one with just a nice figure or gorgeous face if they want to live happily with their partners. I agree with that. I think beauty is only skin deep.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Wonderful composition, Steve! It's a nicely written essay on the subject. Women, in particular, are expected to contort to society's standard of beauty. I commend you for narrowing your statement from beauty in women all the way to the core definition of beauty itself. Asking a question back, or starting your essay with a question, is a clever way of drawing your readers' attention. :) 
~T.Harmony <3

I want to answer the question by being more focused on women's plastic surgery.
>>CORRECT!

Before answering the question, I have a question; why do people want to enhance their looks?
>>CORRECT!
I think people want to be more attractive to others or to appeal to others.
>>CORRECT!
I believe women can be attractive in many ways such as physically, mentally, or even spiritually.
>>CORRECT!
As the old saying goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 
>>CORRECT!
So if you have a prejudice that men only like women with good looks, please reset your perspective on attractiveness. 
>>CORRECT!
Speaking of attractiveness, what is attractiveness?
>>CORRECT!
I want to refer to attractiveness as something needed for a good relationship between people, particularly between men and women.
>>CORRECT!
I remember that one expert on TV about human relationships advised the audience to seek a partner who speaks the same language rather than one with just a nice figure or gorgeous face if they want to live happily with their partners.
>> I remember that one expert on TV about human relationships, who advised the audience...
I agree with that.
>>CORRECT!
I think beauty is only skin deep.
>>CORRECT!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
126001 What do you like the most about that holiday? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-26 587
126000 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-26 984
125999 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-26 599
125998 [Writing Task] What things do you always need to bring when you... ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-25 1
125997 i had some bed storys:) À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-02-25 5
125996 Have you ever been in a difficult situation while traveling? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-02-25 420
125995 Can you talk about three things you like about yourself? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-02-25 701
125994 homework02.25 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-02-25 610
125993 How do koreans celebrate happy events? ±¸*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 5
125992 my puppy is cookie ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 1879
125991 A good mother. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 572
125990 Kingking ÃÖ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 3
125989 Courteous ÃÖ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 766
125988 home work 2/23 ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 549
125987 What name would you give your robot if you had one? Why? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 573
125986 Describe a time you made an unpopular decision. How did you... ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 575
125985 Write a situation you know of or experienced that applies a... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 2
125984 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 936
125983 homework ½Å*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 2
125982 season ¹Ú*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 544

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04