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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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2023-1/25 HOMEWORK

작성자: 이*유
2023-01-26 519

회원님의 영작문

I think it's not a good choice to get a plastic surgery because it's not their own appearance. If they want to make them look different, the first thing that they have to do is to smile and think possitive. If they did these everyday but it didn't work, they should get a massage. Massage is not changing their appearance, but making their bodypart stretched. So, it's not as same as the plastic surgery. I think people get plastic surgery because they are scared of the critics. Therefore, the first thing that others have to do is changing their mind. If we change our mind, other people will not be scared of getting scolded by others. However, there is a situation that people have to get a plastic surgery. First at all, there are people who have to change some of their bodypart because if they don't, it can make a bad affection to them. I said like these, but anything can't win the greed of people. All of the plastic surgerys were made by people because of their too much greed. -Watch ppt!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great answer, Zoe! ^_^ While you may have been against plastic surgery, you did not forget to mention its health benefits too, especially for people who genuinely need it. I recommend you give an example such as: "If a person gets hit by a car and breaks their bones, including their nose and their jaw, then they will definitely need plastic surgery." ^^ Greed is indeed difficult to overcome. Let's just hope people would eventually realize that everybody's beautiful in their own way~
~T.Harmony <3

I think it's not a good choice to get a plastic surgery because it's not their own appearance. 
>> I think it's not a wise decision to get plastic surgery because it's not their own appearance.
OR>> ...because it's not their original appearance.
If they want to make them look different, the first thing that they have to do is to smile and think possitive. 
>> If they want to look different, the first thing they should do is to smile and to think positive.
If they did these everyday but it didn't work, they should get a massage.
>> If they do these everyday, but it still won't work, then they should get a massage.
Massage is not changing their appearance, but making their bodypart stretched.
>> A massage doesn't their appearance. Instead, it stretches parts of their body.
So, it's not as same as the plastic surgery.
>> CORRECT!
I think people get plastic surgery because they are scared of the critics. 
>> CORRECT!
Therefore, the first thing that others have to do is changing their mind. 
>> Therefore, the first thing people should do is to change their mind.
If we change our mind, other people will not be scared of getting scolded by others. 
>> CORRECT!
OR>> ...getting criticized by others.
However, there is a situation that people have to get a plastic surgery. 
>> However, there is a situation where it's necessary for people to get plastic surgery.
First at all, there are people who have to change some of their bodypart because if they don't, it can make a bad affection to them. 
>> First of all, there are people who need to undergo surgery and change some parts of their body, because if they don't, it can cause health problems.
I said like these, but anything can't win the greed of people. 
>> I mentioned all these things, but nothing can win against the greed of people.
All of the plastic surgerys were made by people because of their too much greed
>> All plastic surgeries were made by people because of their excessive greediness.
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