¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

2023-1/25 HOMEWORK

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*À¯
2023-01-26 492

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think it's not a good choice to get a plastic surgery because it's not their own appearance. If they want to make them look different, the first thing that they have to do is to smile and think possitive. If they did these everyday but it didn't work, they should get a massage. Massage is not changing their appearance, but making their bodypart stretched. So, it's not as same as the plastic surgery. I think people get plastic surgery because they are scared of the critics. Therefore, the first thing that others have to do is changing their mind. If we change our mind, other people will not be scared of getting scolded by others. However, there is a situation that people have to get a plastic surgery. First at all, there are people who have to change some of their bodypart because if they don't, it can make a bad affection to them. I said like these, but anything can't win the greed of people. All of the plastic surgerys were made by people because of their too much greed. -Watch ppt!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Great answer, Zoe! ^_^ While you may have been against plastic surgery, you did not forget to mention its health benefits too, especially for people who genuinely need it. I recommend you give an example such as: "If a person gets hit by a car and breaks their bones, including their nose and their jaw, then they will definitely need plastic surgery." ^^ Greed is indeed difficult to overcome. Let's just hope people would eventually realize that everybody's beautiful in their own way~
~T.Harmony <3

I think it's not a good choice to get a plastic surgery because it's not their own appearance. 
>> I think it's not a wise decision to get plastic surgery because it's not their own appearance.
OR>> ...because it's not their original appearance.
If they want to make them look different, the first thing that they have to do is to smile and think possitive. 
>> If they want to look different, the first thing they should do is to smile and to think positive.
If they did these everyday but it didn't work, they should get a massage.
>> If they do these everyday, but it still won't work, then they should get a massage.
Massage is not changing their appearance, but making their bodypart stretched.
>> A massage doesn't their appearance. Instead, it stretches parts of their body.
So, it's not as same as the plastic surgery.
>> CORRECT!
I think people get plastic surgery because they are scared of the critics. 
>> CORRECT!
Therefore, the first thing that others have to do is changing their mind. 
>> Therefore, the first thing people should do is to change their mind.
If we change our mind, other people will not be scared of getting scolded by others. 
>> CORRECT!
OR>> ...getting criticized by others.
However, there is a situation that people have to get a plastic surgery. 
>> However, there is a situation where it's necessary for people to get plastic surgery.
First at all, there are people who have to change some of their bodypart because if they don't, it can make a bad affection to them. 
>> First of all, there are people who need to undergo surgery and change some parts of their body, because if they don't, it can cause health problems.
I said like these, but anything can't win the greed of people. 
>> I mentioned all these things, but nothing can win against the greed of people.
All of the plastic surgerys were made by people because of their too much greed
>> All plastic surgeries were made by people because of their excessive greediness.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
124884 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 1
124883 Worst restaurant ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 615
124882 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 0
124881 Is good teamwork essential to the kind of work you do? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 1
124880 Is it easy for you to commute going to your workplace? What are... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 2
124879 weekend routine ¹Ú*º° ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 443
124878 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 436
124877 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-14 485
124876 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-14 521
124875 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-14 405
124874 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-14 433
124873 Who is your life mentor and why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-01-14 401
124872 Make sentences using \'house\'. ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-13 1
124871 If you were a fashion item, what would you be and why? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-13 2
124870 Write a short essay about students and use the vocabulary words... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-13 5
124869 How would you react if your friend told you that your boyfriend... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-13 2
124868 I am ¡®house and home¡¯ person ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-13 620
124867 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-13 771
124866 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-13 2069
124865 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-13 543

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04