¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

2023-1/25 HOMEWORK

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*À¯
2023-01-26 513

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think it's not a good choice to get a plastic surgery because it's not their own appearance. If they want to make them look different, the first thing that they have to do is to smile and think possitive. If they did these everyday but it didn't work, they should get a massage. Massage is not changing their appearance, but making their bodypart stretched. So, it's not as same as the plastic surgery. I think people get plastic surgery because they are scared of the critics. Therefore, the first thing that others have to do is changing their mind. If we change our mind, other people will not be scared of getting scolded by others. However, there is a situation that people have to get a plastic surgery. First at all, there are people who have to change some of their bodypart because if they don't, it can make a bad affection to them. I said like these, but anything can't win the greed of people. All of the plastic surgerys were made by people because of their too much greed. -Watch ppt!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Great answer, Zoe! ^_^ While you may have been against plastic surgery, you did not forget to mention its health benefits too, especially for people who genuinely need it. I recommend you give an example such as: "If a person gets hit by a car and breaks their bones, including their nose and their jaw, then they will definitely need plastic surgery." ^^ Greed is indeed difficult to overcome. Let's just hope people would eventually realize that everybody's beautiful in their own way~
~T.Harmony <3

I think it's not a good choice to get a plastic surgery because it's not their own appearance. 
>> I think it's not a wise decision to get plastic surgery because it's not their own appearance.
OR>> ...because it's not their original appearance.
If they want to make them look different, the first thing that they have to do is to smile and think possitive. 
>> If they want to look different, the first thing they should do is to smile and to think positive.
If they did these everyday but it didn't work, they should get a massage.
>> If they do these everyday, but it still won't work, then they should get a massage.
Massage is not changing their appearance, but making their bodypart stretched.
>> A massage doesn't their appearance. Instead, it stretches parts of their body.
So, it's not as same as the plastic surgery.
>> CORRECT!
I think people get plastic surgery because they are scared of the critics. 
>> CORRECT!
Therefore, the first thing that others have to do is changing their mind. 
>> Therefore, the first thing people should do is to change their mind.
If we change our mind, other people will not be scared of getting scolded by others. 
>> CORRECT!
OR>> ...getting criticized by others.
However, there is a situation that people have to get a plastic surgery. 
>> However, there is a situation where it's necessary for people to get plastic surgery.
First at all, there are people who have to change some of their bodypart because if they don't, it can make a bad affection to them. 
>> First of all, there are people who need to undergo surgery and change some parts of their body, because if they don't, it can cause health problems.
I said like these, but anything can't win the greed of people. 
>> I mentioned all these things, but nothing can win against the greed of people.
All of the plastic surgerys were made by people because of their too much greed
>> All plastic surgeries were made by people because of their excessive greediness.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
125581 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 0
125580 2/13 homework ÃÖ*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 649
125579 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 0
125578 What¡¯s your favorite time of day? Why? ¹è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 522
125577 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 1
125576 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 1
125575 homework Æí*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 1
125574 Do nothing ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 2
125573 It is responsibility of parents for chlidren to become... ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 619
125572 What would you need to do to be happy? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 544
125571 How do you start your day? ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 787
125570 Which country do you wish to visit, and why? Àå*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 608
125569 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 1
125568 [Homework] What is the most famous festival in your country? ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 2
125567 Family ±Ç*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 2
125566 2/13 °í*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 5
125565 What did you do last weekend? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 0
125564 Education ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-02-12 644
125563 Reason of English fluency ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-12 788
125562 Why do you think people commit crimes? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-12 686

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04