¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I disagree that Many customs and traditional ways of behavior are not worth keeping.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼­
2023-01-17 697

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

By Many customs and traditional ways of behavior we are able to know how we developed. In case of Korea, even though time passes Many customs and traditional ways of behavior is still in our lives. So if we are not keeping Many customs and traditional ways of behavior then our lives will ruined. And keeping our own tradition can bring interest of other countries people. If people getting interest about Korea, our K-culture will go more viral it will bring huge money, also people will increase who come to our country for travel.
Therefor in my opinion I disagree that Many customs and traditional ways of behavior are not worth keeping.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Sophia! I enjoy reading your essay! It can be fun to learn new things. We get the chance to take all of those thoughts and ideas swirling around our minds and transfer them creatively onto writing.  Keep it up!  
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
By Many customs and traditional ways of behavior we are able to know how we developed.
>>> Through many customs and traditions of behavior we are able to know how we are developed.
 In case of Korea, even though time passes Many customs and traditional ways of behavior is still in our lives. 
>>> CORRECT
So if we are not keeping Many customs and traditional ways of behavior then our lives will ruined.
>>> So if we are not keeping many customs and traditional ways of behavior then our lives will be ruined.
 And keeping our own tradition can bring interest of other countries people.
>>>  And keeping our own tradition can bring interest to other countries' people.
>>>  And keeping our own tradition can bring interest to foreigners. 
 If people getting interest about Korea, our K-culture will go more viral it will bring huge money, also people will increase who come to our country for travel.
>>>  If people get interested in Korea, our K-culture will go more viral it will bring huge money, also, the number of tourists will also increase. 
Therefore in my opinion I disagree that many customs and traditional ways of behavior are not worth keeping.
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
123893 Do you think South Korea should also start developing nuclear... ±è*¹® ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 1573
123892 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 1
123891 How do you minimize your spending on food? Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 1039
123890 Homework~~ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 1131
123889 Do you agree that Apple and Google should both be penalized due... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 1430
123888 29.11.Nov ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 9
123887 What is the best way to make new friends? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 0
123886 What was the most severe disease you ever had? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 1
123885 If you could have a conversation with any famous living person,... Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 1465
123884 If you were invited to a fancy dinner with the president, what... ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 7
123883 Why are some people not interested in sports? ¾ç*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 1218
123882 How can you make your free time more productive? Answer in a few... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 1302
123881 Make a story about two best friends who became the most popular... ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 1263
123880 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 0
123879 Homework (11/24) ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 1
123878 Homework (11/23) ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 1
123877 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 1469
123876 check on ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 1
123875 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 1445
123874 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-29 1818

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04