¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I disagree that Many customs and traditional ways of behavior are not worth keeping.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼­
2023-01-17 670

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

By Many customs and traditional ways of behavior we are able to know how we developed. In case of Korea, even though time passes Many customs and traditional ways of behavior is still in our lives. So if we are not keeping Many customs and traditional ways of behavior then our lives will ruined. And keeping our own tradition can bring interest of other countries people. If people getting interest about Korea, our K-culture will go more viral it will bring huge money, also people will increase who come to our country for travel.
Therefor in my opinion I disagree that Many customs and traditional ways of behavior are not worth keeping.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Sophia! I enjoy reading your essay! It can be fun to learn new things. We get the chance to take all of those thoughts and ideas swirling around our minds and transfer them creatively onto writing.  Keep it up!  
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
By Many customs and traditional ways of behavior we are able to know how we developed.
>>> Through many customs and traditions of behavior we are able to know how we are developed.
 In case of Korea, even though time passes Many customs and traditional ways of behavior is still in our lives. 
>>> CORRECT
So if we are not keeping Many customs and traditional ways of behavior then our lives will ruined.
>>> So if we are not keeping many customs and traditional ways of behavior then our lives will be ruined.
 And keeping our own tradition can bring interest of other countries people.
>>>  And keeping our own tradition can bring interest to other countries' people.
>>>  And keeping our own tradition can bring interest to foreigners. 
 If people getting interest about Korea, our K-culture will go more viral it will bring huge money, also people will increase who come to our country for travel.
>>>  If people get interested in Korea, our K-culture will go more viral it will bring huge money, also, the number of tourists will also increase. 
Therefore in my opinion I disagree that many customs and traditional ways of behavior are not worth keeping.
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
124357 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 709
124356 winter solstice ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 3
124355 How do you balance your time for leisure and work? Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 822
124354 Where do you see yourself in 5 years?ÀÇ ´äº¯ ÀÌ*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 3
124353 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 2
124352 Which do you like better, living with your parents or living on... ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 1136
124351 If you can be an actress, what role would you want to play?... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 843
124350 21.Dec.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 2
124349 Why is exercise so important? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 0
124348 What restaurant did you experience to have excellent service? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 3
124347 Did you believe in Santa Claus when you were a child? How about... Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 906
124346 12/22 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 972
124345 Please check my diary. À±*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-12-21 2
124344 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-21 1062
124343 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-21 807
124342 Animals die when they become meat for people to eat. Is \'the... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-21 1252
124341 Who do you think is better at saving money, boys or girls? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-12-21 1592
124340 Homework(12/21) ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-21 0
124339 Use the following words in sentences ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-12-21 1410
124338 Homework(12/21) ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-21 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04