¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The reason why and what can we do for people who are not active as the past

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼­
2023-01-15 674

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The reason why people are not active as the past is the world developed. As the world developed our lives became so convenient. For example we can delivered many things such as food,clothes,furniture and more.... We just sign and pay in the internet we can delivered.
It's very convenient so even though their not busy or they can't go the place for the situation. These behavior usually come from laziness, depression such like this. So if they aren't in the situation that they can't go the place for some reason, we should encourage to go outside. Because if we go outside we can relax and refresh our minds.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Sophia! You are so diligent in answering your essay! Continue the motivation you have! Have a great week! :) 
~ TEACHER GEMMA
The reason why people are not active as the past is the world developed.
>>> The reason why people are not active as in the past is the world's development.
 As the world developed our lives became so convenient.
>>>  As the world develops our lives become so convenient.
 For example we can delivered many things such as food,clothes,furniture and more....
>>>  For example we can have a lot of things to be delivered such as food, clothes, furniture and more.
 We just sign and pay in the internet we can delivered.
>>>  We just sign up and pay through the internet for our orders.
It's very convenient so even though their not busy or they can't go the place for the situation.
>>> It's very convenient even though they're not busy or they can't go to the place to order. 
 These behavior usually come from laziness, depression such like this. 
>>>  This behavior usually comes from laziness and depressions.
So if they aren't in the situation that they can't go the place for some reason, we should encourage to go outside. 
>>> So if they aren't in the situation where they can't go the place for some reasons, we should encourage them to go outside. 
Because if we go outside we can relax and refresh our minds.
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
125029 mt favorite genre ¹Ú*º° ¿Ï·á 2023-01-21 516
125028 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-21 434
125027 Homework from the Feedback (2) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 620
125026 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 430
125025 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 617
125024 How important are student evaluations on teachers? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 4
125023 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 418
125022 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 1
125021 They are free to use their money ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 0
125020 A bug¡¯s life! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 554
125019 Talk about your best memory from a holiday. ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 642
125018 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 3
125017 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 10
125016 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 0
125015 I think that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 811
125014 Is domestic violence a big problem in your country? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 467
125013 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 400
125012 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 434
125011 holiday ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 1
125010 What is your favorite AI? ¼Û*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04