¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The reason why and what can we do for people who are not active as the past

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼­
2023-01-15 706

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The reason why people are not active as the past is the world developed. As the world developed our lives became so convenient. For example we can delivered many things such as food,clothes,furniture and more.... We just sign and pay in the internet we can delivered.
It's very convenient so even though their not busy or they can't go the place for the situation. These behavior usually come from laziness, depression such like this. So if they aren't in the situation that they can't go the place for some reason, we should encourage to go outside. Because if we go outside we can relax and refresh our minds.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Sophia! You are so diligent in answering your essay! Continue the motivation you have! Have a great week! :) 
~ TEACHER GEMMA
The reason why people are not active as the past is the world developed.
>>> The reason why people are not active as in the past is the world's development.
 As the world developed our lives became so convenient.
>>>  As the world develops our lives become so convenient.
 For example we can delivered many things such as food,clothes,furniture and more....
>>>  For example we can have a lot of things to be delivered such as food, clothes, furniture and more.
 We just sign and pay in the internet we can delivered.
>>>  We just sign up and pay through the internet for our orders.
It's very convenient so even though their not busy or they can't go the place for the situation.
>>> It's very convenient even though they're not busy or they can't go to the place to order. 
 These behavior usually come from laziness, depression such like this. 
>>>  This behavior usually comes from laziness and depressions.
So if they aren't in the situation that they can't go the place for some reason, we should encourage to go outside. 
>>> So if they aren't in the situation where they can't go the place for some reasons, we should encourage them to go outside. 
Because if we go outside we can relax and refresh our minds.
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
125360 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-06 2
125359 2/6 Homework ÃÖ*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-06 522
125358 Do you agree that Samsung should file a complaint against 17... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-06 757
125357 Homework ¼Û*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-02-06 2
125356 What is the most effective way to keep in touch with your loved... ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-02-06 654
125355 When can stress be healthy? Àå*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-02-06 749
125354 2/6 °í*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-02-06 5
125353 What is your favorite animal? Why do you like it? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-06 1
125352 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-05 429
125351 What do you miss most when you are traveling? ¾ç*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-02-05 545
125350 Why do some people collect things? ¼Û*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2023-02-05 2
125349 The helping ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-05 1
125348 Bullying ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-05 0
125347 The Risk of dangerous. ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-02-05 578
125346 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-05 563
125345 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-05 523
125344 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-05 607
125343 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-05 610
125342 When are secrets a good thing? Why? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-05 617
125341 Why do you think it\'s difficult for people to talk about... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-05 775

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04