¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2023-01-15 436

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Hello, T.Donna.
Are you enjoying this weekend?
Yesterday, a lot of things happened.
Before Saturday work, I asked all staffs if someone want to be stay here instead of moving together.
Fortunately, no one told me about it.
However, after the work, 4 staffs came to me and they told me that they want to stay in this clinic.
Thus, I was so upset.
Meanwhile, we had a meeting with other doctors who joined our Franchise in the evening.
Actually, we were worried about one of Franchise clinic, because the clinic didn't show the development in the point of income for a long time.
But, we found that the clinic had an outstanding increase of income.
That's why we celebrated the clinic and the doctor who are working in that clinic.
We also talked about the plan to extend our Franchise and educational business.
I think I will change too much this year, of course positive way.
About my homework, glabella filler is the most difficult procedure.
Because the side effect is loss of vision.
See you.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good evening, Dr. Kim!

Yes, I enjoyed my busy weekend. While I am checking this essay, I am watching a championship game of my favorite basketball team in the professional league. I love sports especially now that my team is winning! Anyway, your clinic has some issues again. Some of the not so good ones are manageable while the good news really calls for a celebration.

Naturally, some staff cannot really decide at an instant. After they thought about your question, they decided and told you eventually that they want to stay in your old clinic. Then, if you were in their shoes, you might understand that some people are not capable of quick changes. 

Congratulations to one of your franchise! They might have some practices that you can also apply to your new clinic when you move there. A good income means a great team work and satisfied patients or clients.

Then, continue the training and education of your staff. The more skillful they become, the better they can serve your patients. You will definitely undergo a lot changes this year and they are all for the best for your profession and your company.

Below, my common grammar suggestions are about the proper use of 'the', diction (the proper choice of words), and the use of pronouns so that you will not be redundant n your sentences. Overall, your ideas are very well organized and your message is so clear. Excellent job!

See you in the morning.

-T. Donna~

Hello, T.Donna.
>> Correct!

Are you enjoying this weekend?
>> Correct!

Yesterday, a lot of things happened.
>> Correct!

Before Saturday work, I asked all staffs if someone want to be stay here instead of moving together.
>> Before Saturday work, I asked all staff if someone wants to stay here instead of moving together.

Fortunately, no one told me about it.
>> Fortunately, no one told me that she wants to leave.

However, after the work, 4 staffs came to me and they told me that they want to stay in this clinic.
>> Correct!
Or: staff

Thus, I was so upset.
>> Correct!

Meanwhile, we had a meeting with other doctors who joined our Franchise in the evening.
>> Meanwhile, we had a meeting with the other doctors who joined our franchise in the evening.

Actually, we were worried about one of Franchise clinic, because the clinic didn't show the development in the point of income for a long time.
>> Actually, we were worried about one of the franchise clinicbecause it didn't show development in the point of income for a long time.

But, we found that the clinic had an outstanding increase of income.
>> Correct!

That's why we celebrated the clinic and the doctor who are working in that clinic.
>> Correct!
Or: That's why we celebrated the success of the clinic and the doctors who work there.

We also talked about the plan to extend our Franchise and educational business.
>> Correct!

I think I will change too much this year, of course positive way.
>> I think I will change too much this year, of course in a positive way.

About my homework, glabella filler is the most difficult procedure.
>> Correct!

Because the side effect is loss of vision.
>> Correct!

See you.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
124966 homework ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-18 556
124965 What do friends mean to you? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-18 712
124964 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-18 0
124963 Physical activity!! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-18 628
124962 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-01-18 0
124961 people ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-18 425
124960 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-18 485
124959 Can you live in another country for the rest of your life? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-18 630
124958 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-18 1
124957 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-18 401
124956 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-18 0
124955 Galbijjim ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2023-01-18 1
124954 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-18 1
124953 1/18 °í*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-01-18 5
124952 17.Jan.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-18 1
124951 What do people in your family do on New Year¡¯s Day? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-18 0
124950 How do you choose where to go? Are you inspired by other... ¾ç*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-01-17 1
124949 I disagree that Many customs and traditional ways of behavior... ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-17 525
124948 my favorite traveling transportation. ¹Ú*º° ¿Ï·á 2023-01-17 632
124947 What does a healthy diet look like to you? ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-17 602

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04