¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What is your opinion about the growing number of lonely deaths in your country? What do you think is

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2023-01-13 688

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Korea became one of the advanced countries few years ago, but there are still too many people in poverty. They live in a tiny house which is not equipped well. They use shared bathroom and they don't have enough space to get kitchen room. Most people don't have family members so nobody knows, if they are sick or suddenly die at home. Although, there is a wellfare program wich is provided by regional government, many people couldn't get benifits from the governmental authority because of the budget and man power. It is related with aging problem. Koreans need to pay national pention according to their income every month, and they can receive it when they turn to 65 years old whereas, most people retire at 60 years old. This is the major problem because people have to live without any income for 5 years from their retirement, if they don't have private pension. I think that it has to be reviewed and need to revise. In addition, house price is main cause of lonely death.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

Korea became one of the advanced countries few years ago, but there are still too many people in poverty.
>> CORRECT! 
OR >> Korea became one of the advanced countries few years ago, but there are still too many people facing poverty.
They live in a tiny house which is not equipped well. 
>> CORRECT! 
OR >> They live in tiny houses that aren't fully equipped.
They use shared bathroom and they don't have enough space to get kitchen room. 
>> They use shared bathrooms and they don't have enough space to get a kitchen. 
Most people don't have family members so nobody knows, if they are sick or suddenly die at home.
>> CORRECT! 
Although, there is a wellfare program wich is provided by regional government, many people couldn't get benifits from the governmental authority because of the budget and man power. 
>> Although, there is a welfares' program which is provided by regional government, many people couldn't get benefits from the governmental authority because of the budget and man power. 
It is related with aging problem. 
>> It is related to aging problem. 
Koreans need to pay national pention according to their income every month, and they can receive it when they turn to 65 years old whereas, most people retire at 60 years old. 
>> Koreans need to pay national pension according to their income every month, and they can receive it when they turn to 65 years old whereas, most people retire at 60 years old. 
This is the major problem because people have to live without any income for 5 years from their retirement, if they don't have private pension. 
>> CORRECT! 
I think that it has to be reviewed and need to revise. 
>> I think that it has to be reviewed and need to be revised. 
In addition, house price is main cause of lonely death.
>> CORRECT! 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
124651 HOMEWORK ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-05 5
124650 Where do you feel most centered and happy? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-01-05 745
124649 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-05 891
124648 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-01-05 0
124647 What\'s your thought on the new law in Indonesia about making... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-05 3
124646 ¿µÀÛ ¼÷Á¦ ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-05 0
124645 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-05 847
124644 What do you think are the key skills you will need in the future? Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-05 1978
124643 Fairy at the amusement park!? ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2023-01-05 790
124642 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-05 1
124641 What do I need to know before living in an apartment? ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-05 894
124640 Having new things ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-01-05 782
124639 My expectation from the class and teacher ¼Û*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2023-01-05 912
124638 What do you need pocket money for? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-05 906
124637 1/4 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-01-05 679
124636 Should junk food be banned in schools? Why or why not? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-04 990
124635 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-04 956
124634 Should brands like Victoria\'s Secret use plus-sized models? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-04 1136
124633 Is there an instance that you did something bad but the result... ¾ç*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-01-04 809
124632 Hero ¹Ú*º° ¿Ï·á 2023-01-04 1116

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04