¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What is your opinion about the growing number of lonely deaths in your country? What do you think is

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2023-01-13 570

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Korea became one of the advanced countries few years ago, but there are still too many people in poverty. They live in a tiny house which is not equipped well. They use shared bathroom and they don't have enough space to get kitchen room. Most people don't have family members so nobody knows, if they are sick or suddenly die at home. Although, there is a wellfare program wich is provided by regional government, many people couldn't get benifits from the governmental authority because of the budget and man power. It is related with aging problem. Koreans need to pay national pention according to their income every month, and they can receive it when they turn to 65 years old whereas, most people retire at 60 years old. This is the major problem because people have to live without any income for 5 years from their retirement, if they don't have private pension. I think that it has to be reviewed and need to revise. In addition, house price is main cause of lonely death.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

Korea became one of the advanced countries few years ago, but there are still too many people in poverty.
>> CORRECT! 
OR >> Korea became one of the advanced countries few years ago, but there are still too many people facing poverty.
They live in a tiny house which is not equipped well. 
>> CORRECT! 
OR >> They live in tiny houses that aren't fully equipped.
They use shared bathroom and they don't have enough space to get kitchen room. 
>> They use shared bathrooms and they don't have enough space to get a kitchen. 
Most people don't have family members so nobody knows, if they are sick or suddenly die at home.
>> CORRECT! 
Although, there is a wellfare program wich is provided by regional government, many people couldn't get benifits from the governmental authority because of the budget and man power. 
>> Although, there is a welfares' program which is provided by regional government, many people couldn't get benefits from the governmental authority because of the budget and man power. 
It is related with aging problem. 
>> It is related to aging problem. 
Koreans need to pay national pention according to their income every month, and they can receive it when they turn to 65 years old whereas, most people retire at 60 years old. 
>> Koreans need to pay national pension according to their income every month, and they can receive it when they turn to 65 years old whereas, most people retire at 60 years old. 
This is the major problem because people have to live without any income for 5 years from their retirement, if they don't have private pension. 
>> CORRECT! 
I think that it has to be reviewed and need to revise. 
>> I think that it has to be reviewed and need to be revised. 
In addition, house price is main cause of lonely death.
>> CORRECT! 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
124372 11/22 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 859
124371 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 386
124370 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 3
124369 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 707
124368 Did you enjoy reading as a child? What kind of books did you... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 591
124367 What are the advantages and disadvantages of receiving an... ¾ç*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 1659
124366 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 782
124365 22.Dec.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 2
124364 journal ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 2
124363 Play chaos! ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 768
124362 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 0
124361 Adorable dogs. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 525
124360 HOMEWORK: Do you know why Christmas is celebrated around the... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 2
124359 homework ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 958
124358 When in Rome, do as the Romans do ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 1884
124357 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 542
124356 winter solstice ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 3
124355 How do you balance your time for leisure and work? Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 660
124354 Where do you see yourself in 5 years?ÀÇ ´äº¯ ÀÌ*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 3
124353 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04