¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What is your opinion about the growing number of lonely deaths in your country? What do you think is

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2023-01-13 537

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Korea became one of the advanced countries few years ago, but there are still too many people in poverty. They live in a tiny house which is not equipped well. They use shared bathroom and they don't have enough space to get kitchen room. Most people don't have family members so nobody knows, if they are sick or suddenly die at home. Although, there is a wellfare program wich is provided by regional government, many people couldn't get benifits from the governmental authority because of the budget and man power. It is related with aging problem. Koreans need to pay national pention according to their income every month, and they can receive it when they turn to 65 years old whereas, most people retire at 60 years old. This is the major problem because people have to live without any income for 5 years from their retirement, if they don't have private pension. I think that it has to be reviewed and need to revise. In addition, house price is main cause of lonely death.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

Korea became one of the advanced countries few years ago, but there are still too many people in poverty.
>> CORRECT! 
OR >> Korea became one of the advanced countries few years ago, but there are still too many people facing poverty.
They live in a tiny house which is not equipped well. 
>> CORRECT! 
OR >> They live in tiny houses that aren't fully equipped.
They use shared bathroom and they don't have enough space to get kitchen room. 
>> They use shared bathrooms and they don't have enough space to get a kitchen. 
Most people don't have family members so nobody knows, if they are sick or suddenly die at home.
>> CORRECT! 
Although, there is a wellfare program wich is provided by regional government, many people couldn't get benifits from the governmental authority because of the budget and man power. 
>> Although, there is a welfares' program which is provided by regional government, many people couldn't get benefits from the governmental authority because of the budget and man power. 
It is related with aging problem. 
>> It is related to aging problem. 
Koreans need to pay national pention according to their income every month, and they can receive it when they turn to 65 years old whereas, most people retire at 60 years old. 
>> Koreans need to pay national pension according to their income every month, and they can receive it when they turn to 65 years old whereas, most people retire at 60 years old. 
This is the major problem because people have to live without any income for 5 years from their retirement, if they don't have private pension. 
>> CORRECT! 
I think that it has to be reviewed and need to revise. 
>> I think that it has to be reviewed and need to be revised. 
In addition, house price is main cause of lonely death.
>> CORRECT! 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
125098 Do you think there should be a world holiday for everyone on... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 525
125097 Homework from the Feedback (3) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 526
125096 What is the best way to deal with feelings of anger? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 526
125095 What do you worry about getting older? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 515
125094 What do you think when you look at yourself in the mirror? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 474
125093 What is your favorite Seollal Holiday memory? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 498
125092 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 2
125091 I want to spend the old stage with family ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 1
125090 Do you think that teachers should use corporal punishment as a... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 3585
125089 homework ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 845
125088 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 2
125087 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 692
125086 It`s quiet ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 1
125085 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 1
125084 The creating ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 1
125083 1. What is the USA most famous for? 2. What do you think about... ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 2
125082 25.Jan.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 1
125081 Which greeting kind of annoys you? ¹Ú*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 601
125080 Is it okay for other people not to have a bucket list? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 5
125079 1/25 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 616

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04