¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The reason why both men and women spend much money on beauty care these days.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼­
2023-01-12 1811

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In the past there was a strict rules about women beauty. So women have been spend much money on beauty. Through many century a lot of beauty products invented so there was various beauty products and people spent more money on it. People do makeup to look good or to fit in people beauty or try to hide not good ones. So even though time past still many women spend money on beauty products. These days men are getting interesting on beauty. Because they want to look good too. standard of beauty about men is changing. Doing beauty care is the another way men expressing them. Therefor the reason why both men and women spend much money on beauty care is they want to look good and that's how they expressing them selves. These things can bring everyone will be satisfiy themselves and they can find new part of them, and beauty care market will grow and grow so it can bring a lot of money so everyone can be rich.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Sophia! Thank you for answering your essay! ^^ Keep up the good work! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
In the past there was a strict rules about women beauty.
>>> In the past there were strict rules about women's beauty.
 So women have been spend much money on beauty. 
>>>  So women have been spending much money on beauty.
Through many century a lot of beauty products invented so there was various beauty products and people spent more money on it. 
>>> Through many centuries a lot of beauty products have been invented so there are various beauty products and people spent more money on it. 
People do makeup to look good or to fit in people beauty or try to hide not good ones.
>>> People wear makeup to look good or to fit in society's beauty standard or try to hide not good ones.
 So even though time past still many women spend money on beauty products. 
>>>  So as time goes by, still many women spend money on beauty products. 
These days men are getting interesting on beauty. 
>>> These days men are getting interesting on beauty products as well. 
Because they want to look good too. 
>>> CORRECT
standard of beauty about men is changing. 
>>> The standard of looks among men is changing. 
Doing beauty care is the another way men expressing them.
>>> Doing beauty care is another way for men to express themselves.
 Therefor the reason why both men and women spend much money on beauty care is they want to look good and that's how they expressing them selves. 
>>> Therefore the reason why both men and women spend much money on beauty care is they want to look good and that's how they express themselves. 
These things can bring everyone will be satisfiy themselves and they can find new part of them, and beauty care market will grow and grow so it can bring a lot of money so everyone can be rich.
>>> These things can make everyone be satisfied of themselves and they can find a new part of them, and beauty care market will grow and grow so it can profit a lot of money so everyone can be rich.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
123397 subsidy ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-04 1902
123396 Describe a rule that you don¡¯t like ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-11-04 2
123395 11.03.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-04 1
123394 What hobbies do you think would be boring? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-04 2
123393 What advice can you give to someone who wants to learn how to... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-11-04 255
123392 The reason why English fluency is significant for me ±è*¹® ¿Ï·á 2022-11-04 1501
123391 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-03 1607
123390 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-03 2244
123389 11/3 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-11-03 1135
123388 What is the most beautiful artwork you have ever seen before?... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-03 1613
123387 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-11-03 4
123386 Some people say breakfast is the most important meal of the day.... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-03 2237
123385 Have you experienced having fake friends with bad intentions?... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-11-03 1952
123384 What is the downside of living in an urban or busy hometown? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-11-03 1782
123383 Having many siblings are better ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-03 0
123382 Do gestures help you to understand others and express yourself,... ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-03 2001
123381 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-11-03 0
123380 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-03 1957
123379 Does watching movies in English help you learn English? How?... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-03 2613
123378 Do you like cities or the countryside? Which is better and why? ½Å*°ü ¿Ï·á 2022-11-03 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04