¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The reason why both men and women spend much money on beauty care these days.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼­
2023-01-12 1919

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In the past there was a strict rules about women beauty. So women have been spend much money on beauty. Through many century a lot of beauty products invented so there was various beauty products and people spent more money on it. People do makeup to look good or to fit in people beauty or try to hide not good ones. So even though time past still many women spend money on beauty products. These days men are getting interesting on beauty. Because they want to look good too. standard of beauty about men is changing. Doing beauty care is the another way men expressing them. Therefor the reason why both men and women spend much money on beauty care is they want to look good and that's how they expressing them selves. These things can bring everyone will be satisfiy themselves and they can find new part of them, and beauty care market will grow and grow so it can bring a lot of money so everyone can be rich.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Sophia! Thank you for answering your essay! ^^ Keep up the good work! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
In the past there was a strict rules about women beauty.
>>> In the past there were strict rules about women's beauty.
 So women have been spend much money on beauty. 
>>>  So women have been spending much money on beauty.
Through many century a lot of beauty products invented so there was various beauty products and people spent more money on it. 
>>> Through many centuries a lot of beauty products have been invented so there are various beauty products and people spent more money on it. 
People do makeup to look good or to fit in people beauty or try to hide not good ones.
>>> People wear makeup to look good or to fit in society's beauty standard or try to hide not good ones.
 So even though time past still many women spend money on beauty products. 
>>>  So as time goes by, still many women spend money on beauty products. 
These days men are getting interesting on beauty. 
>>> These days men are getting interesting on beauty products as well. 
Because they want to look good too. 
>>> CORRECT
standard of beauty about men is changing. 
>>> The standard of looks among men is changing. 
Doing beauty care is the another way men expressing them.
>>> Doing beauty care is another way for men to express themselves.
 Therefor the reason why both men and women spend much money on beauty care is they want to look good and that's how they expressing them selves. 
>>> Therefore the reason why both men and women spend much money on beauty care is they want to look good and that's how they express themselves. 
These things can bring everyone will be satisfiy themselves and they can find new part of them, and beauty care market will grow and grow so it can bring a lot of money so everyone can be rich.
>>> These things can make everyone be satisfied of themselves and they can find a new part of them, and beauty care market will grow and grow so it can profit a lot of money so everyone can be rich.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
122320 What ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 2
122319 Where I See Myself in 10 Years? ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 2
122318 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 1
122317 What country would you most want to visit, and why? Àå*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 1686
122316 When you hear the term \"chance,\" what comes to mind? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 2193
122315 When do you know if it\'s already time to change jobs? ÀÓ*¶û ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 2
122314 Should people try to modernize traditional music? Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 2
122313 How do you feel about your country¡¯s traditional music? Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 1
122312 Please tell me about your first time talking with a foreigner. ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 1654
122311 09.13.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 3
122310 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 2694
122309 How My Parents Maintain a Good Health ±è*¿í ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 712
122308 Do you think it¡¯s necessary to preserve traditions? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 1875
122307 Some topics I avoid when I talk with someone for the first time ¾È*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 3058
122306 What was one idea you learned from the drama Narco Saints? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 2
122305 9/13 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 1783
122304 what do you think of a career in the army? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 1687
122303 Book ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 1259
122302 9/13 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 1627
122301 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 1620

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04