¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The reason why both men and women spend much money on beauty care these days.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼­
2023-01-12 1859

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In the past there was a strict rules about women beauty. So women have been spend much money on beauty. Through many century a lot of beauty products invented so there was various beauty products and people spent more money on it. People do makeup to look good or to fit in people beauty or try to hide not good ones. So even though time past still many women spend money on beauty products. These days men are getting interesting on beauty. Because they want to look good too. standard of beauty about men is changing. Doing beauty care is the another way men expressing them. Therefor the reason why both men and women spend much money on beauty care is they want to look good and that's how they expressing them selves. These things can bring everyone will be satisfiy themselves and they can find new part of them, and beauty care market will grow and grow so it can bring a lot of money so everyone can be rich.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Sophia! Thank you for answering your essay! ^^ Keep up the good work! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
In the past there was a strict rules about women beauty.
>>> In the past there were strict rules about women's beauty.
 So women have been spend much money on beauty. 
>>>  So women have been spending much money on beauty.
Through many century a lot of beauty products invented so there was various beauty products and people spent more money on it. 
>>> Through many centuries a lot of beauty products have been invented so there are various beauty products and people spent more money on it. 
People do makeup to look good or to fit in people beauty or try to hide not good ones.
>>> People wear makeup to look good or to fit in society's beauty standard or try to hide not good ones.
 So even though time past still many women spend money on beauty products. 
>>>  So as time goes by, still many women spend money on beauty products. 
These days men are getting interesting on beauty. 
>>> These days men are getting interesting on beauty products as well. 
Because they want to look good too. 
>>> CORRECT
standard of beauty about men is changing. 
>>> The standard of looks among men is changing. 
Doing beauty care is the another way men expressing them.
>>> Doing beauty care is another way for men to express themselves.
 Therefor the reason why both men and women spend much money on beauty care is they want to look good and that's how they expressing them selves. 
>>> Therefore the reason why both men and women spend much money on beauty care is they want to look good and that's how they express themselves. 
These things can bring everyone will be satisfiy themselves and they can find new part of them, and beauty care market will grow and grow so it can bring a lot of money so everyone can be rich.
>>> These things can make everyone be satisfied of themselves and they can find a new part of them, and beauty care market will grow and grow so it can profit a lot of money so everyone can be rich.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
122739 Does your country have a special food for fall season? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 7
122738 9/30 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 1549
122737 If you go abroad on business, should you try and learn the... Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 2
122736 What are the disadvantages of borrowing money from a friend or... Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 2
122735 Should a government try to improve domestic tourism or try to... Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 2
122734 What are your best birthday memories? ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-10-02 1715
122733 Which is harder for you: to accept or reject? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-10-02 0
122732 Homework~~ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2022-10-02 2446
122731 HW! ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-02 1414
122730 Distance ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-02 1
122729 09.30.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-02 1
122728 HOMEWORK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-02 1524
122727 Long time no see~ ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-02 5
122726 Homework~~ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2022-10-01 1842
122725 What are the most common causes of diseases? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-01 2
122724 Use the fol¤Óowing words in sentences ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-10-01 6343
122723 What do you think about the images movies give us about aliens,... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-01 1863
122722 Why do we forget dreams so quickly? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-01 1589
122721 10/1 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-01 2426
122720 Weekend ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-30 1684

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04