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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Should there be individual privacy for family members at home?

작성자: 김*경
2023-01-12 918

회원님의 영작문

I think individual privacy should be respected even among family members. So even parents should ask permission before they open children’s e-mail or private room. The invasion of their privacy or others’ privacy is a very important matter for my children as well. If my children should be invaded easily and frequently by others including family members, they could be misconceived that privacy can be invaded or that they can intrude on others’ privacy as necessary. Therefore, parents should respect children's privacy as early as they can.

This may go off on a tangent. For better or worse, our children don’t have their own private room in my house because our family uses space by function, not by owners. We have three rooms besides the living room: a bedroom, a dressing room, and a reading room. So all spaces are open to members. Fortunately, all members like this layout of space.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good evening Steve. 
T. Irene
I think individual privacy should be respected even among family members. 
>>> Correct. 
So even parents should ask permission before they open children’s e-mail or private room. 
>>> So even parents should ask permission before they open their children’s e-mails or private rooms. 
The invasion of their privacy or others’ privacy is a very important matter for my children as well. 
>>> Correct. 
If my children should be invaded easily and frequently by others including family members, they could be misconceived that privacy can be invaded or that they can intrude on others’ privacy as necessary. 
>>> If my children would experience an invasion of their own private space, they could misconceive that privacy can be invaded or that they can likewise intrude on others’ privacy.
Therefore, parents should respect children's privacy as early as they can.
>>> Correct. 
This may go off on a tangent. 
>>> Correct. 
For better or worse, our children don’t have their own private room in my house because our family uses space by function, not by owners. 
>>> In our family, our children don't have their own private rooms because most of our rooms as function rooms. 
We have three rooms besides the living room: a bedroom, a dressing room, and a reading room. 
>>> Correct.
So all spaces are open to members. 
>>> Correct.
Fortunately, all members like this layout of space.
>>>   Fortunately, all members try to fit themselves in the space.

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