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Homework

작성자: 김*우
2023-01-11 1680

회원님의 영작문

Hi.
Another hectic day!
Before making our new signboard, we need to change our clinic's name, so I asked someone to visit a public health center to request to change a name.
And there was another complaint case.
She got a Botox treatment on her face around 1 month ago and she insisted that she looked weird.
To solve the problem, we asked her to visit us, and since we saw her face, we found that it was not matter.
But, she wanted to get a refund for her Botox.
I actually didn't like to give back a money to her, because Dr.MJ's procedure had no problem, and as time goes by, Botox will go away from her face in a few months.
However, Dr. MJ was agreed her ask, so I had to give it back to her.
At lunch time, I visited another bank to borrow additional money.
Around closing time, I heard some bad news from the staff.
It made me upset.
In addition, we had a meeting with a dentist who also joined our new building this evening.
Meanwhile, I don't like the educational system in Korea.
See you.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day!

I envy you lately having hectic days. ^^ I feel uncomfortable when the time is relaxed. I want hectic days too. Well, first of all, a signboard is your brand. Therefore, you have to really make it nice- memorable, short, and powerful. 

Then about the botox case as you have explained it in class, there will always be unhappy clients. What matters is still, to make them happy after being cranky... The customer is always right, they say. Or probably not... ^^ Well, Money,  money, and more money from the bank for now is somewhat the right time. I read from the news today that there is less than one percent lower interest rate so, it is a good time to loan.

Finally, as we emphasized, a rotten tomato/ apple causes the rest to rot. Then, decide whether one of your managers will stay or leave. I am sure that you will solve all of these problems soon.  So, some of the the grammar suggestions that I made are the insertion of the articel 'the'; some words were deleted; and diction (choice of words). Kindly read then below.

I am sure that you will have another busy day. Even if you do, I still read your composition and evaluate them for you to read. I find this competent and honorable. Thank you.

See you then, Dr. Kim. Have a great day!

-T. Donna~ 


Hi.
>> Correct!

Another hectic day!
>> Correct!
Or: It's another hectic day!

Before making our new signboard, we need to change our clinic's name, so I asked someone to visit a public health center to request to change a name.
>>  Before making our new signboard, we need to change our clinic's name, so I asked someone to visit a public health center to request to change the name.

And there was another complaint case.
>> Correct!

She got a Botox treatment on her face around 1 month ago and she insisted that she looked weird.
>> Correct!

To solve the problem, we asked her to visit us, and since we saw her face, we found that it was not matter.
>> To solve the problem, we asked her to visit us, and since we saw her face, we found out that it was not the matter.

But, she wanted to get a refund for her Botox.
>> Correct!

I actually didn't like to give back a money to her, because Dr.MJ's procedure had no problem, and as time goes by, Botox will go away from her face in a few months.
>> I actually didn't like to give back the money to her, because Dr. MJ's procedure had no problem, and as time goes by, Botox will go away from her face in a few months.

However, Dr. MJ was agreed her ask, so I had to give it back to her.
>> However, Dr. MJ agreed on her demand, so I had to give it back to her.

At lunch time, I visited another bank to borrow additional money.
>> Correct!

Around closing time, I heard some bad news from the staff.
>> Correct!

It made me upset.
>> Correct!

In addition, we had a meeting with a dentist who also joined our new building this evening.
>> Correct!

Meanwhile, I don't like the educational system in Korea.
>> Correct!

See you.
>> Correct!
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