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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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homework

작성자: 김*우
2023-01-05 676

회원님의 영작문

Hi, there!
I must say "Today is money's day."
At lunch time, I had a meeting with a bank man, a judicial scrivener (I googled this word), and a building staff.
I had to pay the rest of the money for the building.
Instead of me, KB bank paid most of the money.
After that, I paid a large amount of money for tax.
This afternoon, interior team asked the middle money to me, so I sent lots of money to their account.
Did I tell you?
I have to move our home soon, so I need more money for the rest of the money of new house.
Money, money, and money...
Someone says, "Money is not important at all."
However, we really need a money to do anything.
As you know, I am a kind of slave of the money lately.
That's why I don't think that I achieve the success.
To make myself to feel free from the pressure, I have to make more money this year, and then pay the interests to many banks smoothly.
If I overcome this situation, I will be succeed, I think.
What about you?
See you tomorrow.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Dr. Kim!

Well, what can I say? Money really makes the world go round. Without it, people will never work hard. It is the grea motivator that fuels people to keep pushing. On the contrary, the lack of it destroys relationship, creates mistrust, and even result to death for some due to greed. Who ever said that money is not important better gives his/her money to us! However, it should not be all that we live for. We have to remember that family and ourselves matter more in earning money. I am sure that your life will be prosperous and money will not be a problem for a smart, hardworking, and patient doctor like you.

Then, keep very good professional communication to your patients as well as your colleagues to keep the inflow of money in your clinic. Remember, money chases the people who are happy and grateful for what they do and what they have. Most of all, pray that God sends you many ways to build your capabilities to multiply money such as the parable of the fish- five fish to thousands.

The grammar suggestions I made are correct capitalization, diction (correct choice of words), prepositions, among others. Please go over them well. Excellent composition!

See you later then.

-T. Donna~

Hi, there!
>> Correct!

I must say "Today is money's day."
>> Correct!

At lunch time, I had a meeting with a bank man, a judicial scrivener (I googled this word), and a building staff.
>> Correct!
Or: Googled

I had to pay the rest of the money for the building.
>> Correct!

Instead of me, KB bank paid most of the money.
>> Correct!

After that, I paid a large amount of money for tax.
>> Correct!

This afternoon, interior team asked the middle money to me, so I sent lots of money to their account.
>> This afternoon, th interior team asked the midterm money payment from me, so I sent lots of money to their account.

Did I tell you?
>> Correct!

I have to move our home soon, so I need more money for the rest of the money of new house.
>> I have to move our home soon, so I need more money for the rest of the money for the  new house.

Money, money, and money...
>> Correct!

Someone says, "Money is not important at all."
>> Correct!

However, we really need a money to do anything.
>> However, we really need money to do everything.

As you know, I am a kind of slave of the money lately.
>> As you know, I am a kind of slave of money lately.

That's why I don't think that I achieve the success.
>>  That's why I don't think that I achieved success.

To make myself to feel free from the pressure, I have to make more money this year, and then pay the interests to many banks smoothly.
>> To make myself to feel free from pressure, I have to make more money this year, and then pay the interests to many banks smoothly.

If I overcome this situation, I will be succeed, I think.
>> If I overcome this situation, I will succeed, I think.

What about you?
>> Correct!

See you tomorrow.
>> Correct!
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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
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